Feelings You Can't Deny
by Lina Shay
Summary: [Finished] Lina Shay arrives at Hogwarts late and must spend all her free time catching up on assignmets. It's a little hard since she would much rather spend her free time daydreaming about the popular Tom Riddle.
1. Tom Riddle

A/N: This will be different from my other Harry Potter stories. You'll see how as you read. It'll take longer to update and will be much shorter. At least, that's the plan.   
  
A/N: In my story, it is supposed to be 1943, but I wrote it in a modern setting. Also, sometimes during this story I'll have quotes from songs to convey what the main character is feeling at that moment.  
  
Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Albus Dumbledore, Armondo Dippet and Professor Binns don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
Chapter One: Tom Riddle  
  
I was shaken awake from a dreamless sleep. Quickly, I sat up and looked over the front seat at my dad. He was driving as carefully as he could. He glanced at me through the mirror and smiled under his bushy strawberry blond mustache. It was strange that his mustache was so light since his thinning hair was a dark brown.  
  
"Have a nice nap, Pumpkin?" he greeted.  
  
I smiled weakly, rubbing my eyes. I didn't really like it when he called me that, especially since I was sixteen and too old for such kid names.  
  
"Are we almost there?" I yawned.  
  
"Getting close," he told me.  
  
I reached into the large trunk that sat beside Dad in the front seat and pulled out a hand-held mirror. I was reluctant to look at myself since people tend to look awful when they first wake up. When I did look, my fears were confirmed. The hair style that I had spent so long perfecting for my first day of school resembled a long light auburn mop. There were red marks on my face where I had been laying on my arm so long. And my make-up was atrocious.  
  
I reached back into the trunk and removed my make-up case. I started with re-doing my hair, which wasn't easy since the car kept bouncing. By the time that was all done, the red marks on my face had faded so I could apply my make-up. As I ran my eyeliner pencil along my eyelashes, a sudden bump caused me to poke myself in the eyes.  
  
"Dad!" I yelled, holding my hand over my wounded eye. "Watch how you're driving!"  
  
He didn't respond to that. Instead, he pointed, "Look, Lina. We're almost there."  
  
I glanced through the windshield. He was right. In the distance of a small town, the shadow of Hogwarts castle was apparent. I was sop happy. It was going to be great to see my friends again after all that time. I wasn't looking forward to the actual school part of the ordeal, especially since I was two months behind.  
  
I continued to do my make-up slowly and carefully. There was no way I was walking into school without my face on. I guess I was a little vain that way. It wasn't like anyone really cared if I was wearing make-up or not. My best friend wore little or no make-up and guys never gave me a second look. I was just wasting my time.  
  
Dad pulled the car through the iron font gate of Hogwarts. The gate opened unprovoked and we drove in. Dad parked by the front steps.  
  
"Do you want me to come in with you, Pumpkin?" My dad asked.  
  
"That's OK," I said. "I can manage."  
  
I opened the car door and climbed out. I pulled my trunk out and struggled to drag it up the steps.  
  
"Need help?" Dad offered.  
  
"It's fine," I assured him, almost loosing my grip. "Go on home."  
  
"I'll see you Christmas," Dad said.  
  
"But, Dad," I began, barely making it to the top step and then resting. "I thought I was staying here for Christmas to make up what I missed."  
  
"Yes, that's right," Dad muttered, rubbing his large forehead. "In that case, I'll since you in Summer."  
  
"Bye!" I bade, waving.  
  
Dad started the car and drove off through the wrought iron gate. I gripped my trunk handle and continued yanking it to the main entrance. To my surprise, as I reached for the doorknob, the door opened. Standing there was a professor and a student. The professor I recognized as Dippet, the headmaster. The student looked familiar but I didn't know him by name.   
  
Professor Dippet was semi-short and frail-looking with an almost balded head. Just small wisps of white hair was left. The student, on the other hand, was tall and about my age with a prefect badge and jet-black hair. He stood stiffly, eyeing Professor Dippet as if he might keel over any second. I couldn't help but stare at this guy. He was so handsome with alluring blue eyes.  
  
**I wish you'd look at me that way  
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine  
Telling me more then even words can say**  
-"Invisible Man"  
  
"Miss Shay," Professor Dippet greeted. "How are you this fine afternoon?"   
  
"Great, I suppose," I told him, glancing at the young guy frequently.  
  
"Come in, Miss Shay," Professor Dippet offered.  
  
Dippet and the guy stood aside. I grabbed my trunk and began to pull it.  
  
"Allow me," the guy insisted, taking hold of the trunk.  
  
I quickly yielded it to him.  
  
"What house are you in?" he asked.  
  
"Hufflepuff," I told him.  
  
"I'll take this to Beatrice Lemon, then, and she'll see to it that it gets to your dormitory," he explained.  
  
"Thank you," I said, trying not to blush or giggle.  
  
He pulled my trunk, with much more ease then I had, toward the Great Hall.  
  
"Fine boy, that Tom," Dippet mused.  
  
"Tom?" I repeated, watching the guy as he went into the Great Hall.  
  
"Tom Riddle," Dippet clarified, sounding a bit confused. And no wonder. Everyone had heard of Tom Riddle. Why, he was the smartest boy in our grade. He was the youngest to become prefect in the history of Hogwarts. Yes, Riddle was famous. Everyone liked him, even the teachers.  
  
"So that was Tom Riddle," I sighed to myself.  
  
"Miss Shay, shall we discuss more pressing matters?" Dippet asked.  
  
"Of course," I said, turning my attention to him.  
  
"You are months behind the other sixth years," Dippet informed.  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"You'll have to do a lot more homework and stay after class quite often to catch-up to the other students," Dippet told me.  
  
"I'm willing to do that," I replied. "I promise that I won't be behind for very long."  
  
"Determined?" Dippet asked, smiling. "Good Girl."  
  
I smiled back.  
  
"Go enjoy dinner," Dippet advised.  
  
I nodded and walked off toward the Great Hall. As I entered, I scanned the large group of student for Tom Riddle. He didn't seem to be at the Ravencalw or the Gryffindor tables. Suddenly, I saw my trunk by Hufflepuff table. Filling with a tingly delight, I sprinted toward it. My trunk sat beside a tall brunette. She turned when she felt me lingering behind her. It was Beatrice Lemon, Hufflepuff prefect. She smiled at me.  
  
"Don't worry, Lina," she said, "I'll make sure it gets to Hufflepuff Hall."  
  
"Thank you," I muttered, feeling disappointed.  
  
I looked up and down Hufflepuff table and then behind me, toward Slytherin.  
  
"Looking for me?"  
  
I spun around to lay my eyes on a well-weighted girl with short brown hair and glasses. She was a bit taller then me and smiled kindly.  
  
"Hey, Clarissa," I greeted.   
  
"Great," she said. "Was it me that you were looking for?"  
  
"Not really," I told him regrettably. "I was looking for..someone else."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Nobody special," I assured her.  
  
"Bet he is," Clarissa joked, gently shoving me. "Who is it?"  
  
I smiled, blushing.  
  
"C'mon, tell me," Clarissa begged.  
  
"I can't tell you here," I said, looking around at all the people who were so close. "Let's go somewhere else."  
  
Clarissa and I ambled toward the door, trying not to catch much attention. As we exited the Great Hall, I glanced back to scan the Slytherin table. There, I saw him. Tom Riddle stood in the midst of a small gathering, telling them some sort of Quidditch story. He smiled so handsomely. Suddenly, he looked up and we made eye contact. Tom waved at me and then continued his story. Stunned, I waved back.  
  
"Lina!" Clarissa called form the Entrance Hall.  
  
I turned my attention to Clarissa and closed the door behind me.  
  
"So, who were you looking for?" Clarissa asked.  
  
"Tom Riddle," I sighed.  
  
Clarissa stared at me a second and then said, "You like Mr. Perfect? Mr. I'm better then everyone else."  
  
"He's not like that," I defended. "It's not his fault that he's so smart and..perfect."  
  
"I thought you had more sense," Clarissa told me. "Tom Riddle is the most popular guy in school and you're ...well, you're-"  
  
"A nobody," I finished.  
  
"I wasn't going to say that," Clarissa assured. "I'm just saying that guys like him don't go for girls like you."  
  
**Don't you try and tell me that he's not my type  
To idle what I feel inside  
When he makes me weak with desire**  
-"Irresistable"  
  
"Thanks, Clarissa," I began, heading toward the main staircase. "You really know how to make someone feel good about herself."  
  
I turned back to her, "You 're right. I might as well forget it. Tom Riddle could never be interested in me."  
  
This statement brought tears to my eyes.   
  
"Lina, I didn't mean to-" Clarissa tried to apologize.  
  
"It's a good thing you told me before I actually started to like him," I said as I ran up the main staircase and continued through the Charms hall. At the end of the hall was a dead end. I pushed on a torch and the wall in front of me disappeared. It revealed another hall full of door. I went down this hall until I reached the door that read, "Shoes for Sale." I opened this door and went in. This was Hufflepuff common room. It was large and hexagonal with a full-wall window and a large fireplace. Each corner had a wrap around couch and a table in it. Two black doors were on opposite walls. The left was the girl's dormitory. I ran through it.  
  
As I reached my room, I began to bawl. I went over to my bed and lay down. I wasn't sure why I was getting so emotional. I just met this guy today and I didn't even know him. But I did have feelings for him. I wasn't sure how that was possible.  
  
**Even though I try  
I can't let go  
Something in your eyes  
Captured my soul**  
-"I Can't Let Go"  
  
  
A/N: I know that Tom Riddle is supposed to be evil by this time, but I don't want him to be evil. 


	2. Notes

A/N: Because this story isn't pre-planned out, it may come across as jumbled or confusing. I hope not very much, though. Also, the Clarissa character's personality may come out as erratic. And even though the main character is named after me, she's not quite me. I had originally intended for her to be me, but I strayed from my personality.  
  
Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Armondo Dippet, Albus Dumbledore, and Professor Binns do not belong to me.   
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
Chapter Two: Notes  
  
I got up early the next morning since I had so much to do. Clarissa was still asleep when I left our dormitory and headed into the common room. The fireplace was still magically burning and very few people were up and sitting about the common room. I hadn't the time to chat, so I continued out the door. After passing through the immaterial wall, I made my way to my first class of the day, Transfiguration. A very tall man with golden hair and a long crooked nose stood at a shelf of miscellaneous items.   
  
"Professor Dumbledore," I whispered.  
  
He turned to me and smiled, his blue eyes sparkling behind his half-moon spectacles.  
  
"Good morning, Miss Shay," he greeted kindly. "You're up quite early.  
  
"Yes, I know," I informed. "I just wanted to get caught up. Is there any work you can give me?"  
  
"We did learn a couple of incantations while you were gone," Dumbledore told me. "Of course, it took us a month to perfect each. I'll give you just one and when you can pass it off, I'll let you learn the other."   
  
"I can take them both now," I insisted.  
  
"They are hard incantations, Miss Shay," Dumbledore said, sounding worried. "It would be best if you learned them one at a time."  
  
"I can handle it," I assured him, persistently.  
  
"Alright," he gave in, reluctantly.  
  
Dumbledore went over to his desk and pulled out two large pieces of parchment. He rolled them up and handed them to me.  
  
"Thank you, Professor," I said, leaving the room.  
  
"Miss Shay," someone said.  
  
I immediately turned around and looked up at Tom Riddle. He had such a handsome smile as he greeted me. I felt a tingle crawl under the skin of my arms.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Riddle," I said shyly.  
  
"Let's not be so formal," he laughed. "Just call me Tom."  
  
"Alright," I giggled. "My name is Lina then."  
  
Tom nodded, still smiling.  
  
My toes curled up and rubbed against the soles of my shoes as we just looked at each other.  
  
"Where're you off to?" Tom asked.  
  
"Um.." I wasn't sure. Why had I gotten up so early? Why was I leaving Dumbledore's class? I looked down at the papers in my hand. The incantations. "Homework! I-I am getting homework that I missed."  
  
Tom raised his eyebrows in an amused manner.  
  
"That's good," he chuckled, obviously noticing that I was an idiot and it took me a while to remember what I was doing. I felt like such a dork.  
  
"It'll take much for you to catch up," Tom informed. "You might think of getting someone to help you."  
  
"I can do it," I told him. "I'm sure I can catch up. I just need to work extra hard."  
  
"With an attitude like that," Tom began, "I'm sure you'll be up to the rest of us in no time."  
  
I blushed.  
  
"I'm gonna head off to breakfast," he said, invitingly.  
  
"Well, there's more homework I must get for tonight," I informed.   
  
"I'll see you later then," Tom assumed, smiling pleasantly.  
  
I smiled back at him as he turned and headed for the main staircase to go down to breakfast. I stared after him for a moment. I just didn't understand. How could I care for him as much as I did?   
  
**I'm crazy for you  
Touch me once and you'll know it's true  
I never wanted anyone like this  
It's all brand new**  
-"Crazy For You"  
  
I hurried to my other classes to gather the work I had missed. Once my workload had gotten so numerous that I could barely carry it, I headed for Hufflepuff Hall. I reached up to pull the torch when someone came bursting through the fake wall and collided into me. Books and parchment, not to mention broken flasks containing ingredients for a highly complex spell, were everywhere. I was mortified. Quickly, I shot a glance at the clumsy git that did this. Clarissa blinked back at me through crooked glasses.  
  
"Oh, Lina!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry. I was coming to look for you. I was so worried when you weren't in the common room. Look what I did. I am so sorry.!"  
  
"It's alright," I sighed in defeat. How could I be mad at her?  
  
Clarissa suddenly smiled at me, "Eating breakfast?"  
  
"No," I said, "I have way too much work to do."  
  
"You need food if you want to do your best," Clarissa claimed.  
  
I smiled at her. She made a good argument. I could always do my work between classes.  
  
"Alright," I said, "just let me put this stuff in our room."  
  
"I'll help," Clarissa insisted.  
  
Clarissa and I gathered up my things, being careful in picking up the glass pieces. We dropped everything off on my bed. I would surely clean it up later. We made our way down to the Great Hall. It had not left my mind that Tom Riddle was going to be at breakfast at that moment.   
  
Clarissa and I entered the Great Hall. It was late by that time, so not many students lingered there. But Tom did. He sat in a small group, laughing at hooting at who knows what. Clarissa rook my arm and dragged me to Hufflepuff table.  
  
"I thought we talked about that," Clarissa said once we were sitting down.  
  
"'Bout what?" I asked.  
  
"Tom Riddle," Clarissa began. "I don't want to have to say this to you again but-"  
  
"I know!" I interrupted. "I understand what you're saying and you're right. But I just can't help but like him, despite all."  
  
Clarissa shook her head.  
  
"Hey, girls!"  
  
Clarissa and I looked toward Slytherin table. Tom's group was leaving the Great Hall and he was looking at us.  
  
"Time to get a move on it," he informed us.  
  
Clarissa and I got up, taking our things, and headed toward the door. We passed right by Tom. I felt Tom following us out the door. As we turned to walk up the main staircase, Tom left us. I glanced over my shoulder to see him heading out the large front door. He turned back.  
  
"Good luck catching-up, Lina," Tom called after me.  
  
I smiled.  
  
Clarissa grabbed my arm, saying, "He spoke to you!"  
  
Of course he did," I laughed.  
  
"But you're...you and he's....him!" Clarissa exclaimed.  
  
I knew what she was saying, somewhat. He's popular and I'm not. I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything. Tom was nice to me because I was new to the school year and I was behind. I just didn't get her problem.  
  
"Maybe I was wrong," Clarissa gasped. "You two might work out."  
  
"What are you talking about?" I questioned as we were heading down the hall toward Transfiguration. "If we're anything, we're just friends. Its not even that far."  
  
"The best relationships start with friendship," Clarissa informed.  
  
"You're crazy," I commented. "I assure you, nothing could happen with us. Guys like Tom date beauty queens, not girls like me."  
  
Clarissa let it go. Her idea was thought provoking. Was it possible that Tom and my meager friendship could become more? It sounded practically impossible. The idea of Tom wanting a plain and boring girl like me was ludicrous.  
  
Clarissa and I walked into Transfiguration a little late. I wondered if Tom had been late for his class. Since he was heading outside, he had to have Study of Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, or Herbology. Since Study of Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures were both after lunch, he had to be going to Herbology.  
  
"Welcome to class, Miss Shay, Miss Robins," Professor Dumbledore greeted, not looking a bit annoyed. Of course, Dumbledore never really was upsetable.  
  
"Sorry we're late, sir," I apologized.  
  
"It's alright, Miss Shay," Dumbledore smiled. "Take your seats."  
  
Clarissa and I walked back to two seats close together. We took out our Advanced Transfiguration books and rolls of parchment.  
  
"We're going to learn a new incantation for the next few weeks," Dumbeldore informed us. "This particular incantation will help us to change a wardrobe into a pare of trousers."  
  
Dumbeldore went over and pulled a large wardrobe to the middle of the room. He looked quite proud that he could get the large piece of furniture half-way across the room.  
  
"But, sir," a Gryffindor said, rasing his hand, "a wardrobe is much bigger then a pare of trousers."  
  
"Quite true, Mr. Hawkins," Dumbeldore smiled. "You have to understand, though, that when it comes to magic, size doesn't matter."  
  
"This one'll be hard," the boy added.  
  
"Indeed, Mr. Hawkins."  
  
Clarissa set a scroll of parchment on my desk. I unrolled it and read her note.  
  
"D'you think you'll go to the Valentines Ball?" the note asked.  
  
I scrawled the answer, "Not likely. Tom Riddle and I aren't that way. Besides, why would he want to go with me?"  
  
I handed the note back.  
  
"On page fifty-seven of Advanced Transfiguration, you will find the incantation," Dumbledore informed.  
  
While I was turning pages, the note was passes back. I looked at it.  
  
"Why would he want to go with you? He's flirting with you already."  
  
I snorted, writing, "He hasn't flirted with me. What are you talking about?"  
  
I put the note down on Clarissa's desk.  
  
"The second 'the' in the fourth line of the incantation has to be emphasized and the last 'are' in the fifth line should be said with conviction," Dumbeldore instructed.  
  
I found that piece of parchment on the corner of my desk again. It read:  
  
"Just before class. Remember what he said?"  
  
"He wished me luck," I wrote. "Sure, that's a major come-on."  
  
After tossing the paper at Clarissa, I went back to following the incantation. The note was back on my desk within seconds.  
  
"Did you see the smile on his face? The way he was looking at you? That was not just a wish for luck. That was a 'I want you, Lina!'"  
  
I snorted again.  
  
Clarissa, seeing my reaction, added in a whisper, "Maybe not that extreme, but it was flirting."  
  
I just laughed at her.  
  
For the rest of the hour, we chanted the incantation over and over again, trying to remember all the different ways we had to say different words. Nothing happened. When we were beginning to doubt if it was possible, Dumbledore recited the incantation and proved us wrong. The wardrobe shook and gleamed and, with a pop, fell to the floor as a pare of old brown trousers.  
  
"Of course he can do it," Clarissa grumbled. "He's one of the most powerful wizards alive."  
  
After class, Clarissa and I started on our way to Hufflepuff Hall. It was in my intention to organize my things and, maybe, get some work done. As we were en route to the fake wall, we intercepted a group of Slytherin boys. I scanned the crowd for Tom, disappointed to not find him among them.  
  
"Looking for someone?" Clarissa asked, smiling teasingly at me.  
  
"Perhaps," I told her, not wanting to disclose my desire to see him.  
  
"Of course you are," Clarissa said with a giggle. "You're wanting Tom Riddle to come up to you, put his arms around you, and kiss you passionately until you're gasping for air, and you say, 'Oh, Tom!'"  
  
"Talking about me?"  
  
Clarissa and I jumped. Tom Riddle had come up behind us, but how long had he been listening? I felt a rush of heat put redness in my cheeks.  
  
"Talking?" Clarissa repeated, obviously trying to bail me out. "We were just discussing a book I once read. Yes, and we were imagining ourselves as the main character."  
  
Tom looked confused.  
  
"The character likes a boy named Tom...Tom Rocks," Clarissa continued.  
  
I watched Tom carefully, trying to see whether or not he was convinced. He looked more like he didn't have the slightest idea what she was rambling on about. I concluded that he had only heard his name and decided to butt in because of it.  
  
"I told Lina that she needs to get more into stories," Clarissa babbled. "So i was trying to help her visualize herself as the main character. So you can see that we were clearly not discussing you."  
  
Tom blinked at her.  
  
"Alright then," he said, his lips curling into his usual pleasant smile. "Sorry I asked. I guess I'll see you girls in Charms this afternoon."  
  
Tom bowed his head slightly and continued down the corridor.  
  
"Fast thinker, aren't I?" Clarissa asked, sounding quite proud of herself.  
  
"You were great," I said, just trying at reassure her. 


	3. Being Late

A/N: This is a short chapter. I am having trouble with writing since I am working on so many stories at once.  
  
Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Albus Dumbledore, Armondo Dippet, Professor Binns and Gandalf the Great don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
Chapter Three: Being Late  
  
My eyelids inched open. My whole body felt sore and in need of just a little bit more rest. After burning the midnight oil over my homework, I was entitled to a few extra minutes in bed. Of course, I knew a few more minutes would lead to more time then I had to waste. Slowly, I pulled myself from my bed and got to my tired feet. As I dressed, I could barely keep my eyes open.   
  
I entered the common room slothfully. To my surprise, not a person occupied the room. All the wrap around couches and working areas were bare. This was curious. Where was everyone? Did I sleep in that late? Quickly, I turned and glanced up at the clock over the fireplace.   
  
"Eleven thirty!" I yelled.  
  
I was late for my second class of the day. With out even taking the time to grab my book bag, I sprinted out of the common room. I passed many classrooms, at a run, on my way to the History of Magic class. The students looked at me as I passed each class. Everyone in the school knew that I was late.   
  
I reached the History of Magic room and burst in. Standing breathing, I glanced around the room. Everyone was staring at me. All I could do was smile.  
  
"Sorry, Professor Binns," I said to the teacher as I went to my seat. "I slept in."  
  
Professor Binns glared at me over his pointed nose, "Miss Shay, if you're having a hard time getting up then maybe you should go to bed at a decent time."  
  
He turned toward the board and continued to write notes about the Great Battle of Ecknod. Clarissa leaned over to me.  
  
"What happened?" She asked. "You look like you just survived a tornado."  
  
"Someone didn't wake me up!" I shot at her.  
  
"You were up all night," Clarissa informed, straightening her glasses, "I thought you could use a bit more shut eye."   
  
"I'm never going to get caught up with all my classes," I groaned, leaning back in my chair.  
  
"Sorry," she said simply, turning her attention back to Professor Binns.  
  
It was then that I realized that I had left all of my things back in the common room. I looked down at my empty desk and groaned. Today was not my day.  
  
"Clarissa, d'you have an extra quill and some parchment?" I asked in a hushed tone.  
  
Clarissa handed me a few pieces of parchment from her packet.  
  
"What about a quill?" I said.  
  
"Can't help you there," she muttered.  
  
"Use one of mine," someone behind me offered, setting at long eagle-feather quill on my shoulder.  
  
I glanced behind me as I took the quill. It was Tom Riddle. He smiled at me kindly, his handsome blue eyes looking straight at me.  
  
**"Everytime you look at me  
My heart is jumping  
It's easy to see  
Loving you means so much more  
More then anyhting I've ever done before**  
-"Crazy"  
  
"Thanks," I whispered, most likely blushing like crazy.  
  
"No problem," he smiled.  
  
I smiled back and turned around. Clarissa raised her eyebrows at me, giggling.   
  
"General Cauggin Renfendal led the march on Ecknod Hill," Professor Binns droned. "He was quoted to have said, 'In my career at the ministry, I have never been so determined to accomplish something.' End quote."  
  
Professor Binns stopped and looked over my head, "Yes, Mr. Riddle."  
  
"Do we need to know that quote for the exams?" Tom asked.  
  
"No," Binns answered solemnly.  
  
I looked over my shoulder at Tom. He was leaning over his parchment and writing notes. his eye suddenly glanced up from his notes and met with mine. Quickly, I returned my attention to the teacher. It was so weird having Tom sitting right behind me. This strange shiver went up my spine and I felt my palms sweating. I felt like Tom was staring at the back of my head or something. I hoped that my hair looked alright.   
  
When Professor Binns dismissed class, I stood up and waited for Clarissa to get her things together. Glancing back at Tom, I noticed he was hesitating. Tom was still screwing on his ink bottle lid when Clarissa was ready to go. I followed Clarissa to the door, blending with the crowd of students.  
  
"Miss Shay," Professor Binns called.  
  
I left Clarissa's side and returned to the front of the room and Binns' desk.  
  
"You have an hour until your next class," Binns informed. "I suggest you use that time to get extra notes for the exams."  
  
"Yes, Sir," I mumbled, walking back to my seat.  
  
Tom was just packing his book and parchment into his bag when I approached. He looked up at me.  
  
"Here's you quill," I blurted, holding the quill out toward him.  
  
"Keep it," he allowed, smiling. "You'll need it."  
  
"Thank you," I stifled a giggle.  
  
"Good luck on your notes," he wished. "And it'd help if you could get to class on time."  
  
"It wasn't my fault," I assured him. "I was up all night writing a Care of Magical Creatures essay and working on my everlasting curses. And then there's those two incantations I have to learn for Transfiguration. For Herbology, I have to-"  
  
"That's enough," Tom laughed. "You have a lot to catch up on."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"I guess I'll leave you to your notes then," He said, bowing slightly.  
  
I watched him turn and walk out to the door. As he reached the threshold, he stopped and looked back.  
  
"Tell you what," he began, "I am ahead in all my subjects so how about we meet in the library and I can help you with your assignment?"  
  
I wasn't sure what to say. The great Tom Riddle was offering to help me with my work. I was absolutely stunned, too stunned to talk. So I nodded, smiling stupidly.  
  
"Great," he smiled, "after classes then? It's a date."  
  
Tom headed back out the door.  
  
I stood staring after him. Date? Did he say date? I was going on a date with Tom Riddle? I felt like screaming, giggling, and fainting all at once.  
  
"Miss Shay!" Professor Binns exclaimed. "Will you kindly pay attention. You cannot pass the exams without knowing about Gandalf the Great." (A/N: He He)  
  
"Sorry, Sir," I apologized, setting myself at my desk.  
  
As the teacher prattled on, I wrote every word. Suddenly, my waving quill caught my eye, Tom's quill. I smiled, wondering what might happen that night. We could get off the subject of my homework and talk on and on. Finally, he would realize that we were absolutely perfect for each other. I sighed.  
  
**Baby, I'm so into you   
You've got that something  
What can I do  
Baby, you spin me around  
The earth is moving  
But I can't feel the ground**  
-"Crazy" 


	4. The Accident

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
Chapter Four: The Accident  
  
When I finally got out of Professor Binns' class, I was carrying five, foot-long rolls of parchment. Clarissa was sitting, waiting, outside the classroom. Subsequently, Clarissa had fallen asleep and her glasses were in her lap. I smiled down at her and shook her shoulders. She snorted awake.  
  
"Oh, Lina," Clarissa yawned, climbing to her feet. "Are you done?"  
  
"Yeah," I laughed.  
  
Clarissa put her glasses on and looked down the corridor.  
  
"Guess what?" I said excitedly. "I have a date with Tom Riddle."  
  
"You're kidding!" Clarissa screamed.  
  
"It's not exactly a date," I admitted. "It's more of he's helping me with my homework for the last couple of months."  
  
"You have to tell me every detail," Clarissa insisted.  
  
"Nothing is going to happen," I told her wryly.  
  
"Hey, Lina!" Someone yelled from down the hall.  
  
Clarissa and I spun around to see Tom Riddle coming down the corridor. Clarissa began pinching my arm excitedly.  
  
"Lina," Tom said, walking right up to me, "I'm so very sorry, but I have to delay our date for an hour. Ernie Rock decided that we should have an extra Quidditch practice today since tomorrow will be our first Quidditch match of the year. So I'll have to meet you at about five o'clock. I'm so sorry."  
  
**I'd do anything  
I'd give you my world  
I'd wait forever  
To be your girl   
Just call on my name  
And I will be there  
Just to show you   
How much I care**  
-"Born to Make You Happy"  
  
"That's fine," I blurted.  
  
Clarissa seemed about ready to faint.  
  
"Good," Tom began, smiling confidently. "I'll meet you in the library then."  
  
"Sure," I giggled.  
  
"See ya," Tom said as he walked away.  
  
"You are so lucky," Clarissa sighed.  
  
I felt myself blushing.  
  
**************  
  
After my last class of the day, I started toward Hufflepuff Hall. After all, I had an hour to kill and three tons of homework to do. I only needed help with the hands-on stuff. My History of Magic and Defense Against Dark Arts reports could be done without Tom.  
  
I passed a window as I neared Hufflepuff Hall. I couldn't help but peek out at the Quidditch field. After all, there was no better Quidditch player then Tom Riddle. I was too far away to make out which player was which. From that distance, I wouldn't be able to tell Tom Riddle from Minnie McGonagal. The stands called to me. Would it be horrible if I took one little break from my endless studying?  
  
I reached the Quidditch field in record time. I was sure to feel silly sitting alone in the stands, so I decided to just watch from the sidelines. They seemed to be doing a strategy I had never seen before. I wasn't very sports-minded, but from what I understood, the Beaters were being assigned. One was standing guard by the Seeker and the other focused totally on the Keeper. It seemed like a stupid idea to me. Who would protect the Chasers like Tom? Once the other team saw their setup, they are sure to aim bludgers just at the Chasers because they're unprotected.  
  
Sure enough, a bludger whizzed across the field and hit one of the Chasers in the head. Ouch! It was just before he hit the ground that I noticed it was Tom. Overwhelmed with worry, I ran on to the field. By that time, his fellow teammates were crowded around him.  
  
"Someone get Madam Sadie," Ernie Rock ordered.  
  
The Slytherin Seeker ran off toward the castle. That left me with a way to get through them to Tom. I knelt down beside him and scanned a large red spot that covered an area from his ear to his eye. It was starting to bruise a plum color.  
  
"Tom," I whispered, gently combing the black hairs from his face.  
  
He didn't even stir.  
  
**I say a little prayer for you  
Forever and ever  
You'll stay in my heart   
And I will love you  
Forever and ever  
We never will part  
Oh, how I love you  
Forever and ever   
That's how it must be  
To live without you  
Would only mean heartbreak for me**  
-"Say A Little Prayer"  
  
"Why didn't you have the Chasers protected?" I shouted at the captain.  
  
"I thought the Chasers were skilled enough to watch for and avoid the bludgers," Rock excused. "Tom should have been able to dodge that bludger."  
  
"You're blaming him for this?" I asked, disgusted. "The whole point of Beaters is to protect the other positions, including Chasers!"  
  
"She's right, Rock," a Beater sided. "We should have been protecting him. It wasn't a good idea to have us just be bodyguards."  
  
"Fine then!" Rock snapped. "Do it anyway you want to."  
  
Rock turned and left the field. Just then, the Seeker arrived with Madam Sadie. I stood back so that Madam Sadie could examine Tom.  
  
"I'll need to take him up to the hospital wing," she said rather quietly.  
  
Madam Sadie conjured up a stretcher and levitated Tom onto it. I followed her to the castle. As she went up the Main Staircase, she turned back to me.  
  
"It would be easiest to treat him if no one else was around," Madam Sadie explained. "Visiting hours will start at six."  
  
I nodded.  
  
**************  
  
At dinner, I wasn't hungry. All I could think of was Tom and that scathing bruise. It was absolutely horrible. I was so nervous about the whole thing that I felt nauseous.  
  
"He'll be alright," Clarissa assured. "He's Tom Riddle after all. Nothing could keep him bedridden."  
  
I let out a worried sigh and lay my head on the table.  
  
"When can you go see him?" Clarissa asked.  
  
"Six o'clock," I muttered.   
  
"It's nearly that time now," Clarissa pointed out. "Get some food in you, then go see him. Once you see he's perfectly fine, you'll feel better."  
  
I looked at my plate and started feeling nauseous again. Deciding that it would be visiting time by the time I got up to the hospital wing, I started off. Clarissa had complained about me not eating first, but she'd always been a worry wart.  
  
As I neared the hospital wing, I could hear voices. Having overwhelming curiosity, I listened to the door.  
  
"I've got to get a message to Lina," Tom insisted. "She'll think I stood her up. Please, get me an owl."  
  
"Don't worry," Madam Sadie pleaded. "Calm down. You'll make yourself worse."  
  
"But Lina-" Tom began.  
  
"Knows exactly where you are," Madam Sadie told him. "She accompanied me from the Quidditch field."  
  
"You mean she saw the fall?" Tom groaned.  
  
**Wash away my sorrow  
Take away my pain  
Your love's coming down like rain**  
-"Rain"  
  
I slowly pushed opened the door. Madam Sadie stood near a bed not too far from where I stood. Tom sat up and stared at me.  
  
"Visiting hours yet?" I asked.  
  
"Sure," Madam Sadie said pleasantly, walking passed me to her office.  
  
I walked up to Tom's bed and sat at the foot.  
  
"Does it look bad?" Tom asked, touching the now light brown bruise.  
  
"It looks a whole lot better than it did two hours ago," I told him, smiling.  
  
"Madam Sadie put this weird Emu oil on it," Tom explained.  
  
"I think it'll be completely gone by tomorrow," I commented.  
  
"I surely hope so," Tom breathed.  
  
"I hope you guys won't use that play tomorrow," I said.  
  
"I don't know if we will," Tom admitted. "Lina, I'm sorry that I couldn't help you do homework."  
  
"Don't worry about it," I insisted. "I'll catch up over Christmas break."  
  
"Without me?" Tom asked with fraudulent sadness. "I'm hurt."  
  
I smiled wryly.  
  
"We have time before Christmas," Tom informed. "We can still have a study session."  
  
"Whenever you feel up to it," I told him.  
  
"Tomorrow would be good," Tom began. "No, wait! The Quidditch match. How about Monday?"  
  
"Got a busy weekend?" I asked.  
  
"Hogsmeade!" Tom exclaimed.  
  
I laughed at him.  
  
"It's nearly seven," Madam Sadie informed.  
  
"I'd better get back to Hufflepuff house and get some reports in before bed," I told Tom.  
  
"Just leaving me to spend the night in the drafty, dark hospital wing alone?" Tom asked, sounding disappointed.  
  
"Awh, does ickle Tommy need a night light?" I teased.  
  
"That deserves a pillow," Tom threatened, grabbing one from behind him and readying to hit me with it.  
  
"Mr. Riddle!" Shouted Madam Sadie.  
  
"You are so lucky she was watching," Tom muttered as he replaced the pillow behind him.  
  
"Ha ha!" I gloated.   
  
Tom glared at me playfully.  
  
"Well," I began, standing up," I guess I'll be off."  
  
"Going to the game?" Tom queried.  
  
"I don't know," I said honestly.  
  
"I'll lose if I don't see you in the stands," Tom promised.  
  
"Don't look," I warned. "You're likely to bump into something."  
  
"Please say you'll be there," Tom begged.  
  
"I'll think about it," I promised.  
  
Tom fell back in his bed as if I had stabbed him with a knife.  
  
"I've really got to go now," I insisted, turning. "Bye."  
  
As I walked toward the exit, I could almost feel his eyes staring after me.  
  
**I have broken all the rules of love  
I never dreamed that I could come this far  
And now I'm lost in my emotion  
You're becoming my devotion  
There's nothing I can do  
To stop this love for you**  
-"Heaven's What I Feel"  
  
A/N: I haven't got the slightest idea how old McGonagal is so I made her Tom Riddle's age. And Minnie is short for Minerva.  
  
A/N: I don't know how long it'll take me to write the next chapter. I'm haing a short of block of ideas. I try to write it as soon as I can. 


	5. Quitting for Quidditch

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Five: Quitting for Quidditch  
  
Clarissa hopped up to me excitedly. I had been studying, if that's what you would call it, on my bed. Actually, my mind had wondered away from Potion ingredients and traveled to how handsome Tom had looked in the hospital wing the day before. Even with the bruise, Tom was the epitome of good looks. I could still remember how the black hairs fell over his forehead in a disheveled, yet hot, manner. And even during injury, Tom kept his wonderfully enchanting smile. Then Clarissa interrupted my thoughts.  
  
"What's up?" I asked, seeing how excited she was.  
  
"The Quidditch match is today!" she shouted. "C'mon, let's get out there and get good seats before they're taken."  
  
I glanced up at her and smiled lightly.  
  
"You aren't going?" Clarissa assumed. "But what about Tom-er-the team. It's bound to be an exciting one. And isn't Tom going to be looking for you?"  
  
I lowered my eyes to my Potions book.  
  
"I can't believe you're not going to support Tom!" Clarissa exclaimed, getting hysterical.  
  
"I have millions of things to catch up on," I muttered, trying to focus on my Potions book.  
  
"But we're talking about Tom Riddle!" Clarissa shouted.  
  
**Chill out  
  
What're you yelling for  
  
Lay back  
  
It's all been done before**  
  
-"Complicated"   
  
"Yes, you've said that," I informed her. "I understand that it's Tom. Everything is Tom! But a Quidditch game isn't crucial to life or anything else. It's just a game."  
  
Clarissa just straightened her glasses and sat on the bed beside me.  
  
"If you aren't going, then I'm not either," Clarissa stated stubbornly.  
  
I just smiled at her and looked back at my book. As the time wore on, Clarissa started to fidget. It began with twiddling her thumbs, then cracking her knuckles or tapping on my bedside table. By the time I had finished memorizing my first Potion recipe, Clarissa was sitting on her bed up- side-down, kicking her legs around wildly.   
  
"Why don't you just go to the game?" I asked her, smiling wryly.  
  
"No!" Clarissa exclaimed, sitting up the right way. "I said I'd stay with you, so I'm staying with you. And that's that!"  
  
She looked out the window, seemingly memorized by the little players flying around in the distance.   
  
"I know you want to go," I said.  
  
"Go?" Clarissa repeated, affronted. "Just as you said. It's a silly game that has no point in reality. Why should I wish to go?"  
  
Her gaze never left the window. I felt bad keeping her from a game that obviously meant a lot to her. I guess watching a game could fit into my schedule. After all, I did have all of Christmas break to work on my assignments.   
  
"I can't stand it anymore," I said calmly, smiling. "I simply have to go to that game."  
  
"I guess I'll go too then," Clarissa said excitedly.  
  
Clarissa and I left Hufflepuff Hall. She was practically restraining herself from running out the Quidditch field. I just moseyed after her. It would be nice to see Tom in action, but I just never was much for sports.   
  
We got down the field just in time to see a Slytherin Beater pound the bludger toward a Gryffindor Chaser. Clarissa took my hand and we headed up to the Hufflepuff section of the bleachers. We sat down, Clarissa bouncing in her seat.   
  
Clarissa elbowed me and pointed to a player who had just stopped and was looking at us. It was Tom, his dark hair getting ruffled by the blast of air caused by every player who passed by him. I wondered why he wasn't doing anything. Suddenly, a bludger was coming his way.  
  
"Look out!" I yelled, pointing behind him.  
  
Tom ducked just in time to for the bludger to miss him. He quickly waved at me and then returned to doing his job as Chaser. He zoomed this way and that, tailing the Gryffindor who had the Quaffle. A bludger came out of nowhere and the Gryffindor Chaser swerved quickly, dropping the Quaffle. Tom swooped down and caught it, heading toward the other team's hoops. I clapped at this. I couldn't believe how excited I was getting over a game of Quidditch. I guess Tom made all the difference.  
  
**Can't you see  
  
Can't you see  
  
How your love's affecting   
  
(My) reality  
  
Everytime (I'm) down  
  
You can make it right  
  
And that makes you larger than life**  
  
-Larger Than Life  
  
Tom threw the Quaffle right passed the Gryffindor Keeper and scored the Slytherin team ten points. The Slytherins cheered, and some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws did too. I think I cheered the hardest. Clarissa had to pull me back into my seat because I didn't stop cheering when everyone else did. I was a little embarrassed once I noticed it.  
  
The game ended with the Slytherin Seeker catching the Golden Snitch. It was a good game. I was so happy that Tom's team had won.  
  
Clarissa and I went with the crowd going back to Hogwarts Castle. There was a cascade of "Congratulations, Tom!"s and "Good going, Riddle!"s behind us. I turned around to see Tom pushing through the crowd toward me.  
  
"Meet you back in Hufflepuff Hall," Clarissa said, winking at me as she left.  
  
"Lina!" Tom called out of breath as he approached me.  
  
"Hey, it was a good game," I told him.  
  
"I thought you weren't coming," Tom breathed, his sweat-soaked hair sticking to his forehead.  
  
"Well, Clarissa convinced me to go with her," I explained.  
  
"So, you came for her sake?" Tom asked, looking a little disappointed.  
  
I would have told him that it was him that made the game worth going to, but I surely would have blushed as I said it. I did manage to utter something like, "You were really great out there." But I blushed anyway.  
  
"Yeah, well," Tom began, combing his hair out of his face with his fingers, "at least I didn't get hit in the face with a bludger this time."  
  
"You nearly did," I told him.  
  
"I guess I got distracted," Tom said, smiling.  
  
I blushed again.  
  
"Going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Tom asked.  
  
"I haven't decided," I muttered, avoiding his gaze.  
  
"Yo, Tom!" came the voice of one of the Slytherin Beaters.   
  
"Hey, Rod!" Tom exclaimed as he and the Beater did some weird handshaking.  
  
"Quidditch party in Slytherin common. You coming?" The Beater asked.  
  
"In a sec," Tom said.  
  
The Beater went on toward the castle.  
  
"I don't want to keep you from your victory party," I told him.  
  
"No big deal," Tom assured me. "I'll walk you to wherever you're going."  
  
I half-smiled and then we started off.  
  
"About Hogsmeade," Tom began, "you should go. It'll be a lot of fun."  
  
"I do have homework," I muttered.  
  
"Alright," Tom conceded. "I've take you away from your studies too many times. You really need to get caught for finals and all. But remember that we have that study session Monday."  
  
I nodded.  
  
**You make me stay   
  
When I should not  
  
Are you so strong  
  
Or is it all the weakness in me  
  
Why do you come here  
  
And pretend to be just passing by  
  
I mean to see you  
  
And I mean hold you tightly**  
  
-Weakness In Me  
  
A/N: Very short chapter. Sorry about that. 


	6. Falling for You

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Dippit and others do not belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter six: Falling for You  
  
The weekend of the Hogsmeade trip came and left. Nothing all that spectacular happened. I stayed in my dormitory or went to the common room or the library, studying and writing reports until my brain was sore.  
  
I awoke, not even remembering falling asleep, to the sound of Hufflepuffs pouring into the common room. Clarissa ran up to me and was insistent on telling me every little detail of the trip. I could barely keep my eyes open as she went on about the Three Broomsticks, Butterbeer, and Honeydukes.   
  
"Oh, and I saw Tom Riddle," Clarissa said, watching my reaction intently with a smile on her face. "He looked rather lonesome as he sat and stared at that abandoned house on the hill. I think he missed you."  
  
I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Anyway," Clarissa went on, "what did you do while the rest of us were off in Hogsmeade?"  
  
"What do you think I did?" I retorted.  
  
"What you always do," Clarissa rolled her eyes. "This year is going to be no fun if you don't stop studying."  
  
"After Christmas, everything will be different," I promised.  
  
Clarissa nodded.  
  
*******************  
  
On Monday afternoon, I arrived at the library earlier than Tom and I had planned on meeting. I don't know why I did. Nerves, I guess. It wasn't every day that a Hufflepuff girl, who wasn't all that interesting, got to spend a good part of the evening with a heartthrob like Tom.  
  
To pass the time before Tom arrived, I wondered around the library. What else was there to do really? I stopped by a shelf and scanned over the names. One book jumped out at me, not literally. I pulled it from the shelf and ran my fingers over the title, "Dangers of Dark Arts." Such things didn't interest me, but something about this book called to me. It was begging me to read it.  
  
"Lina?"   
  
I looked up at Tom.  
  
"What are you doing way over here?" He asked.  
  
"I was just," I began, glancing down at the book.  
  
Tom gently slipped the book out of my hands and set it back in the shelf, saying, "We should get studying."  
  
I nodded.  
  
Tom and I went to the table where I had left my books, and we sat down.   
  
"Any preference of where we start?" Tom asked, looking over my books.  
  
"I'm having the most difficulty with Defense Against Dark Arts and Charms," I explained.  
  
"Any particular charm?" Tom queried, pulling out his wand.  
  
"I can't seem to get the Impediment charm to work," I muttered, feeling rather stupid.  
  
"Have you been doing the swooping movement?" Tom asked, demonstrating it for me.  
  
I just nodded.  
  
"Try it so I can see what you're doing wrong," Tom requested, smiling.   
  
I cleared my throat, swooped my wand, and casted, "Impedimenta."  
  
Nothing happened. It wasn't a big surprise to me. That spell never worked. Tom glanced at my wand and gave me a half-smile.  
  
"You need to say it with more conviction," Tom advised. He swooped his wand and declared, "Impedimenta!"  
  
A blue-gray light shot at a nearby book trolley, completely enclosing it in ice. It was a little intimidating. I never had been all that good with casting. My parents were afraid I'd be a squib because of my lack in witchery talent. But it happened, nonetheless. My sister had been taunting me with some stupid magical prank she had gotten from a joke shop. I got so mad that I made lightening strike her. She was OK after a few days in the nearest Infirmary.   
  
"Try it again," Tom instructed. "And this time, really mean it."  
  
I tried it again, but nothing happened.   
  
"Maybe we should try this differently," Tom said, glancing about pensively. "Ah-ha! Got it!"  
  
Tom took my hand and pulled me out of my chair. Both hands on my shoulders, he stood me at one end of an aisle of books. I watched, confused, as he stood at the other end of the aisle.  
  
"I am...a troll."  
  
That was hard to imagine.  
  
"And I'm coming to get you," Tom said, grinning fiercely. "You'd better blast me away."  
  
"I don't know, Tom," I laughed. "This is silly."  
  
Tom scratched his head in thought.  
  
"All right, then," he said, walking toward me. "I'll just have to attack you."  
  
"No!" I commanded, backing up.  
  
**I've been so totally wrapped up  
  
Emotionally attracted  
  
So physically acting  
  
So recklessly  
  
I need you so desperately  
  
As sure as the sky is blue**  
  
-"I Love You."  
  
Tom kept coming, a roguish smile on his face.  
  
"Stop!" I cried, still walking backward.  
  
"You want me to stop?" Tom asked. "You'll have to cast a spell then."  
  
I started grabbing random books and throwing them at him. He dodged them with ease. Must have been all those years of avoiding bludgers.  
  
I stopped, fumbling through my robes for my wand. By the time I could pull it out, Tom was less than a meter away. He grabbed my wand hand, pulling me toward him.   
  
"Impedimenta!" I screamed.  
  
Blue light flew from the end of my wand into the air, missing Tom by a long shot. The blast caused me to loose my balance and pull Tom down with me, landing face to face, Tom on top of me. Neither of us attempted to get up. My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it might break through my ribs. Tom's heart was beating pretty fast, too. I could feel it as his chest was pressing against me. Breathing hard, I stared into Tom's deep blue eyes. He let go of my hand and gently brushed some hairs out of my face.   
  
"Lina," Tom whispered, his eyes scanning my face.  
  
**I surrender  
  
There's no use in fighting  
  
As strong as I am   
  
This is stronger than me  
  
I'm outnumbered  
  
So many emotions are holding me down  
  
And setting me free  
  
So tender  
  
This pull on my heart  
  
I surrender**  
  
-"I Surrender"  
  
I would have given anything to know what he was thinking at that moment. Was he internally ridiculing me for being such a klutz? Was Quidditch flashing across his mind? Maybe he, like me, was longing for our lips to meet.   
  
Suddenly, Tom lifted himself off of me and stood over me with his hand out. It seemed he had been thinking that we should get back to work. I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet.  
  
"Well," Tom began, sounding almost as embarrassed as I felt. "You did a pretty good job on that spell."  
  
"Thanks," I muttered, avoiding his eyes.  
  
"Maybe you could practice more," Tom told me, folding his arms uncomfortably, "so that you aren't knocked off your feet next time."  
  
"I-I'll do that," I said, placing my arms behind my back.  
  
"Good," Tom replied.  
  
"Yup," I said.  
  
"Great," Tom muttered, glancing around.   
  
"Well," I began. "I ought to return to Hufflepuff common. I have many reports to write. I'll see you."  
  
"We do have more things to cover," Tom insisted.  
  
"I think we covered enough for tonight," I said quickly, feeling my face turn red.  
  
Tom just nodded. I made my way quickly to the nearest exit from the library.  
  
"Hey," Tom called after me, "if you ever need more help with...anything, I'd be glad to...help."  
  
"Thanks," I muttered, half-smiling, then continued on.  
  
*************  
  
"Are you going to tell me?" Clarissa begged.  
  
"I don't think so," I muttered, sinking low into the puffy chair I was sitting in.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Clarissa pleaded, dropping to her knees. "Something had to have happened or you wouldn't have been so flushed when you came in. You can tell me!"  
  
"Ok," I conceded. "We were in the library and...and..." I felt myself growing scarlet.  
  
"Did he kiss you?" Clarissa demanded, shaking with excitement.  
  
"No," I groaned. "He just fell on top of me."  
  
"Then what?" she urged.  
  
"Nothing," I assured her. "He got back up."  
  
"That's nothing to be flushed about," Clarissa said, disappointed.  
  
"Have you ever had a guy laying on top of you?" I exclaimed, louder than I had meant to. "Believe me, it's plenty to be flushed about."  
  
"Are you going on another date with him?" Clarissa queried.  
  
"That wasn't a date," I insisted. "And...I don't know yet. I think I'm too embarrassed to look at him at the moment."  
  
**I'm so close to you, baby  
  
But I'm so far away  
  
There's a silence between us  
  
When there's so much to say  
  
You're my strength-You're my weakness  
  
You're my faith-You're my doubt  
  
We've got to meet in the middle   
  
To work this thing out.**  
  
"More Love"  
  
A/N: I think I messed up on the Impedimeta charm. I don't think it does freeze. But, anyway, since my computer crashed, I lost all my spell infromation, so I guessed. 


	7. Yule Ball

A/N: Sorry about the spell. I'm not good with the spells.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters except for Lina Shay and Clarissa.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Seven: The Yule Ball  
  
December came upon quickly and hustle and bustle about the Yule Ball came on quicker. I had no hopes of being asked and I didn't exactly care either. I would much more benefit by using the time for study. Speaking of study, since that one study session with Tom, I hadn't exactly requested another one. My spells had improved since that day, though. I just pictured Tom coming toward me with that devious smile and I could blast anything. Other than that, I had sort of avoided Tom, I'm ashamed to say. I knew if I saw him, I would start blushing and sputtering and look like a complete idiot. Clarissa assured me that Tom wouldn't care. She was convinced that he had a crush on me, which I highly doubt.  
  
"I bet he will!" Clarissa insisted to me as I attempted to write an essay on the properties of Elderberry root in the Great Hall at lunch.  
  
"No, he won't," I told her.  
  
"He will, I'm sure of it," Clarissa said stubbornly.  
  
"No, he won't!" I exclaimed, throwing my quill down. "Tom Riddle is not going to ask me to the dance."  
  
"When will you look passed your denial?" Clarissa asked, leaning toward me. "Tom Riddle obviously has a huge thing for you. I don't get why you can't see it."  
  
"Because it's your imagination," I accused.  
  
"I don't know why I bother," Clarissa sighed in frustration. "You're hopeless."  
  
I shook my head and tried to return to my essay. The poison in Elderberry root, though causing a stinging sensation to the skin, can soothe the pain of appendicitis if mixed with...  
  
"There he is!" Clarissa exclaimed, grabbing tightly to my arm.  
  
I glanced up to see Tom Riddle enter the Great Hall with a couple members of his Quidditch team. They walked straight to Slytherin table and sat down. He didn't even look my way. I was glad of it, but also disappointed.  
  
**I need you  
  
Like water, like breath, like rain  
  
I need you  
  
Like mercy from heaven's gate  
  
There's a freedom in your arms  
  
That carries me through  
  
I need you**  
  
-"I Need You"  
  
"Bet he'll come over and ask any minute," Clarissa whispered to me.  
  
"Let it go," I suggested. "If he asks, then he'll ask. If he doesn't, then he won't. You getting overly excited won't change anything, so calm down."  
  
Clarissa bit down on the tips of her fingers and silently watched the Slytherin table. I rolled my eyes and returned to my essay. In truth, if Tom did ask me to the dance, I would start wigging out more than Clarissa, but I honestly didn't think he'd ask. Still, I found myself glancing over at him every now and again to see if he was looking over. He never was.  
  
*********************  
  
Everyday until the Yule Ball, Clarissa kept saying, "He'll ask you tomorrow for sure." Not to my surprise, Tom never did ask me and it was the night of the Yule Ball.   
  
"It's perfectly acceptable to go to the dance stag," Clarissa told me as the Hufflepuffs were complimenting each other's dress robes and doing hair. "A lot of people are going without dates."  
  
"I have studying to do," I insisted.  
  
"Please, Lina," Clarissa begged, sitting down beside me and all my books. "I was going alone and I thought we were going alone together."   
  
I looked into her pleading green eyes and couldn't say no. Letting out a sigh of defeat, I went up to my dorm and got dressed. As Clarissa and I walked together, she was bouncing up and down with excitement. I shook my head, smiling wryly.  
  
The Great Hall looked quite lovely, decorated with strings of holly, one giant Christmas tree and floating mistletoe. The people were quite lovely too, dressed in their finest and dancing about with each other.   
  
Clarissa immediately pulled me over to a cauldron of candy and some pumpkin juice. I sipped from a cup, glancing around the dance floor, keeping a keen eye out for Tom and the girl luck enough to be his date. I could see no sign of him.  
  
"Lina," came a voice as I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
  
Clarissa shrieked in surprise, causing me to drop my cup of pumpkin juice. It splattered on all three of our shoes and hems. I looked back at Tom and gave him a sheepish smile.   
  
"Sorry," I whispered, blushing.  
  
Tom just displayed his usual pleasant smile to assure me that he didn't mind.   
  
**All that I'll ever need  
  
Is in your eyes  
  
Shining at me  
  
When you smile I can feel  
  
All my passion unfolding**  
  
-"I Do (Cherish You)"  
  
Clarissa glanced from one of us to the other, smiling wildly.  
  
"I think someone on the other side of the room is calling me," she muttered, winking at me before she left.  
  
"So, who'd you come with?" I asked Tom casually.  
  
"No one, actually," Tom told me. "I just wanted to hang out and dance with my friends."  
  
"There was no one you wanted to ask?" I queried, looking up into his eyes. "I'm sure any girl would have said yes."  
  
"That's why I went stag," he explained, turning his attention to the dance floor.  
  
"What d'you mean?" I asked.  
  
"I'm rather tired of girl's fawning over me," Tom disclosed, looking somehow sad.  
  
I lowered my head. I was among those girls. I couldn't stop thinking about him, either.  
  
"If I could only meet a girl who liked me for me and not because I'm popular or a good Quidditch player," Tom went on.  
  
I began to wonder, why did I like him? For one, he was really hot. That was terribly shallow of me. Two, he didn't feel that I was below him. He was very sweet and generous. Three, Tom had this wonderful sense of fun and adventure that made his just irresistible. At first, I did like him for his popularity, but it was different now. If only there was a way to tell Tom that so he would believe me.   
  
"So, did you come with anyone special?" Tom asked, emphasizing the word 'special.'  
  
"Not unless you count Clarissa," I told him. "I wouldn't have come if she hadn't begged me to."  
  
"You mean no one asked you?" Tom asked, staring thunderstruck. "I'm surprised."  
  
"I'm not," I muttered, looking on at the dancers.  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
I was too embarrassed to relate all my flaws to him, so I merely said, "I don't know that many boys." Which was true.  
  
"I would have asked you except that..." Tom didn't finish.  
  
"Except that what?" I queried, watching his profile.  
  
"Well," Tom began, shrugging, "I rather got the feel that you were avoiding me."  
  
I felt ashamed. He actually might have asked me to the dance if I hadn't been such a childish ninny.  
  
"Sorry about that," I muttered, lowering my head.  
  
"I honestly don't blame you," Tom blurted. "After what happened...well, anyway. How are you doing in your classes?"  
  
"I'm mostly caught up," I told him. "There are just a few tests to take and I'm with everyone else. I can't wait. My brain is turning to mush."  
  
Tom chuckled.  
  
A new song started up. It was soft and slow. I couldn't help but sway to the melody. In the corner of my eye, I saw Tom glance at me then look away. I briefly scanned him. He was rocking from toes to heels.   
  
"Hey," he began.  
  
"Yes?" I urged.  
  
"You wouldn't want to dance, would you?" Tom asked.   
  
"Yeah, sure!" I blurted, seemed more zealous than I had meant to.  
  
Tom took my hand and led me to the dance floor. Once in a place he found suitable, right in the middle of everything, Tom pulled me close to him. It was hard to keep my heart beating at a regular rate. It just wanted to beat harder and harder until it broke through my ribs. I was wondering how I could be so agitated, yet so relaxed at the same time. It was strange.   
  
**Baby, you're all that I want  
  
When you're lying here in my arms  
  
I finding it hard to believe  
  
We're in Heaven**  
  
-"Heaven"  
  
Anyway, the song ended and we parted.   
  
"Hey, Riddle!" called a Slytherin from the punch bowl.  
  
"Hey, Ivan!" Tom yelled back. "Excuse me, Lina, would you?"  
  
As Tom went off to talk to his friend, Clarissa bounded over, screeching, "Oh, I saw! I saw! Could you dance any closer! Oh, I saw!"   
  
I smiled as she freaked out.   
  
"Tom and Lina sitting in a tree," Clarissa laughed.  
  
"Not so loud," I said, trying not to laugh too. "I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe, he does like me."  
  
Clarissa was making such a scene that we had to leave early. I just waved goodbye to Tom, who smiled and waved back.   
  
A/N: I guess I rushed a few things. I could have took more time, but I kind of wanted to get this chapter over with so I could start on the next one. 


	8. Where You Are

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Eight: Where You Are  
  
"It's a shame," Clarissa began as we lugged her trunk through the entrance hall. "I wish you could come to my house instead of staying here."  
  
"If I didn't need to stay," I replied, "I would surely return to my own house."  
  
"What are you going to do here alone?" Clarissa asked, putting her end of the trunk down to open the huge door.  
  
"Study. What else?" I retorted as she returned to her previous position and lifted her end of the trunk.  
  
"It must be horrible to spend Christmas alone," Clarissa sympathized, leading the way out the door.  
  
The over-all mood of the students was filled much with excitement. As quickly as possible, each student loaded their trunks, then crammed themselves into the horseless carriages. It seemed as if they all were in a bloody hurry. I guess I would have been too had it been me able to return home.  
  
"Let me help yeh with tha'," a quite large student offered, taking the trunk from us without strain and placing it in the carriage.   
  
"Why thanks," Clarissa giggled.  
  
I raised an eyebrow and half-smiled.  
  
"Sweet, isn't he?" Clarissa asked me.  
  
I just shrugged.  
  
Glancing around the crowd of students saying their farewells, I found myself quite disappointed. Tom Riddle was no where to be seen. I had hoped to glimpse him, maybe even talk to him, before he left. But I was too late. Tom had probably long gone off. Though I couldn't help but find it unlikely that he would leave without even a wave my way. Why hadn't he waited for me?  
  
"Enjoy your holiday!" Clarissa called from the coach.  
  
Holiday, right! I had no holiday. These two weeks were going to be just like school. I had to take notes, make-up tests and learn several more potions. At least my workload wasn't too large that I had no time for myself as it had been since I arrived at Hogwarts. I had just enough time to miss the company of my fellow students.  
  
After all the signs of witch and wizard life had gone, I found myself standing lone in front of the school. I had not expected to be this lonely. After all, the other students had only been gone a few minutes.  
  
**Show me the meaning of being lonely  
  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
  
There's something missing in my heart.**  
  
-"Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely"  
  
Biting my lip and sighing, I left the solitude of the grounds and entered the emptiness of the school. Determined to drown my sorrows, I set straight to work. To start with, I had a potion to learn which was quite enough work to occupy my brain for an hour or so.  
  
I began carrying my cauldron, containing my books and things, down the stone steps to the Potions room when I heard footsteps below. Frightened and not thinking, I dropped my cauldron and listened painfully as the pot made a loud clang down each of the steps until it made a thump instead. There was a loud groan after that. I'd be in so much trouble if that was Professor Gondec. Worried out of my wits, I hurried down the steps. As I neared the bottom, I saw a person, obviously male and pre-adult, laying on the ground with my cauldron resting on his stomach.  
  
"Oh, I am so sorry," I called down to him.  
  
"S'all right, Lina," he groaned.  
  
Then I noticed that it wasn't just any male student. It was Tom Riddle. I jumped the last few steps and pushed my cauldron off him.  
  
"Are you hurt, Tom?" I asked, resting my hand on his stomach to feel for injuries. I had to note how firm his abs were.  
  
"Hey, that tickles," he half-laughed, half-coughed.  
  
Tom sat up and looked into my eyes. Displaying his devious smile, he asked, "Worried about me, were you?"  
  
I smiled and pushed him back to the ground. He laughed as he stood up. I straightened up with him.   
  
"Where were you in such a hurry to?" Tom asked.  
  
"I wasn't in a hurry," I told him. "You scared me."  
  
"Why, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," Tom said, smiling kindly at me. "Still, where were you off to?"  
  
"Potions," I informed. "I have to learn how to make the Sleeping Death."  
  
"Just don't use it on me," Tom advised with an air of humor.  
  
"If I knew where Slytherin common was, I just might," I threatened.  
  
"Hey, I'll walk you to Gondec's," Tom offered.  
  
I smiled in acceptance. Tom picked up my cauldron and we began to walk together.  
  
"I thought you had left," I muttered, looking at the floor. "To go home, I mean."  
  
"Without saying goodbye to my favorite Hufflepuff? Never!" Tom assured me, casually closing his arm around my shoulders.  
  
I liked being referred to as his favorite Hufflepuff, but it would been better had he said I was his favorite girl. How could I honestly hope for that?  
  
**Tell me   
  
You're so into me  
  
That I'm the only  
  
One you will see  
  
Tell me  
  
I'm not in the blue  
  
That I'm not wasting  
  
My feelings on you**  
  
-"Crazy"  
  
"Do you spend a lot of Christmas' here?" I asked to break the silence.  
  
"Yes, actually," Tom admitted, dropping his arms.  
  
"Really?" I asked curiously. "Why is that?"  
  
"Well," Tom began, "I don't much like the place I stay at over holiday."  
  
"Where's that?" I queried.  
  
"London Statford Home for Boys," Tom informed, not looking at me.  
  
"Home?" I repeated.  
  
"It's an orphanage," Tom defined, lagging behind a bit.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry-" I said without thinking.  
  
"Don't be sorry for me!" he snapped, stopping in his tracks. "Everyone is always feeling sorry for me and I'm tired of it!"  
  
He had never had an outburst like that around me before. I didn't even mean that I was sorry in that way. I was going to say I was sorry for bringing it up. It was too late to make the correction. All I could think of to do was stare at him. His cheeks were flushed and his jaw and fists were clenched. I wasn't sure what to say to calm him down. I tired putting my hand on his shoulder to console him, but he jerked away fiercely.  
  
"I'm all right!" he snapped, starting to walk again.  
  
I couldn't imagine not having a family. Sure, my sister and parents were a pain, but at least I had them. They were there whenever I needed them. I really began to feel homesick at that moment. Poor Tom. He didn't have anyone to feel homesick for. Tom didn't need pity, though. He needed understanding and acceptance.  
  
I quickly caught up to him, saying, "Getting a little ahead of me. You were supposed to walk to me to Potions."  
  
He let out a breath, then looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, Lina. I must have sounded like a real jerk snapping at you like that."  
  
"It's OK," I assured him.  
  
"No, it isn't," Tom insisted, taking my hand in his. "I really shouldn't get all defensive about where I live, especially with you. I never want to hurt you."  
  
I looked up at his blue eyes. They were so sincere and full of pain. I wished there was something I could do. What was there though?   
  
**There you are  
  
Wild and free  
  
Reaching out like you needed me  
  
A helping hand   
  
To make it right  
  
I am holding you all though the night**  
  
-"The One"   
  
A/N: You know, I remember it saying in the 2nd book that Tom lived at an orphanage, right? But in the 4th book, it talks about the Riddles and their only son dying at the beginning. The beginning of the 4th book never really made sense to me. If anyone would explain it to me, I'd be grateful. 


	9. What You Give To Me

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
A/N: I'm sorry this took so long, but I had killer writer's block. I thought I would never finish this story. Finally, the other night, I was laying in bed with my notebook beside me and I just started writing. Soon, I had almost two chapters. You wouldn't believe how relieved I was to get out of that hole.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Nine: What You Give to Me  
  
The usually overflowing Great Hall was now nearly empty. A few Ravenclaws were playing Wizard's Chess and a Gryffindor was slurping down toad in the hole. Besides them, there was one Slytherin sitting on the other side of the table as Tom Riddle. I stood for a second, examining the empty Hufflepuff table. I didn't want to sit alone. I guess I was too shy to invite myself to sit with Tom, so I stood idly, hoping he would invite me.  
  
"Lina, over here!"  
  
I let out a relieved sigh as I headed over to him. He smiled kindly up at me, pointing to the seat across from him. I sat down.  
  
"Am I really allowed to sit here?" I asked, looking over at the other Slytherin. "I mean, I'm not a Slytherin."  
  
"I won't tell anyone, and if you get in trouble just blame me," Tom told me, still smiling.  
  
I smiled back.  
  
"How have things been?" Tom asked, offering me a plate of liver mousse. "I haven't seen you in a bit. I expected to at least see you on Christmas day."  
  
"Well, you know," I trailed off, taking the plate of mousse from him.  
  
"Studying?" Tom asked.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Getting any further?" Tom queried as he cut off a piece of a hot link and lifted it to his mouth.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I just have a History of Magic test and then I'm caught up."  
  
"That's good," Tom voiced.  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"What's the matter?" Tom asked, setting down his fork and looking at me intently.  
  
"I don't...get it," I admitted. "What I mean is that I can't study this stuff. I look at it and look at it, but I'm not getting any of it. I think I've studied so much that my mind has turned to tapioca."  
  
"When are you taking the test?" Tom queried.  
  
"Tomorrow at noon," I muttered.  
  
"Maybe you just need someone to study with," Tom suggested, smiling confidently. "And I have the perfect person in mind."  
  
"Oh, whoever might that be?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
"Who do you think?" Tom retorted, leaning forward and wiggling his eyebrows.  
  
I laughed.  
  
"Hey," Tom began, glancing down at the table, "what are you doing right now?"  
  
"Eating lunch," I told him, raising an eyebrow in confusion.   
  
"No, I mean after this," Tom explained, smiling wryly.  
  
"Nothing really," I shrugged.   
  
"Well, do you mind if I walk you to doing nothing?" Tom asked.  
  
"Sure," I said, blushing a bit.  
  
After lunch, Tom and I started walking down the hall. I don't even know where we were headed, but I did notice that Tom kept putting his hands in his robe pockets, smiling, then taking them out again. I wasn't sure what to think. Finally, after about ten minutes of going nowhere and saying nothing, Tom turned to me and held out a silver-blue box with a small red bow tied around it. I stared at the box, surprised, then glanced up at Tom. He just shrugged, saying, "Sorry, it's a little late for Christmas."  
  
"But," I muttered, feeling a little confused, "I didn't get you anything."  
  
Tom smiled, saying, "That's OK."  
  
Finally, I took the box from him. Tom shoved his hands in his pockets and wore a half smile as he watched me. Slowly, after placing my books under my arm so I had both hands at my disposal, I slipped the small bow off the box and pulled the lid off. Inside was a silver chain with a shining blue moon-shaped pendant. I stared at it. It was so beautiful that I didn't know what to say. No one had ever given me anything so exquisite.  
  
"Don't you like it?" Tom asked, his smile fading.  
  
"I do," I insisted. "I just don't understand why you would give this to me."  
  
"Well," Tom began, scratching his neck, "it's Christmas and I guess I just thought that you deserved to get something special because you're a really special person."  
  
My eyes shot to him in surprise. He thought I was special? Me?   
  
"I'd better go," Tom insisted. "See, I promised Simon Cornby that I would play a game of Wizard's Chess against him in Slytherin Common. I guess I'll see you tonight. We'll do that studying thing."  
  
Tom walked rather swiftly down the corridor. I glanced down at the box again. Did he really like me that much? Right then and there, I set my books down and removed the necklace from the box. The chain felt cool against my skin as I clasped the necklace behind my neck. Somehow, I felt better wearing it, like maybe I was special after all.  
  
*****************  
  
That night, I met Tom in the library. He smiled when he saw me wearing that necklace. We sat at a table and he proceeded to quiz me on people and dates. The studying went late into the night and my answers began to make no sense.  
  
"When was the attack on Ilfracombe?" Tom asked as he stared at my book and yawned.  
  
"After the first ice age," I muttered, my head laying on the table.  
  
"Lina," Tom said, glaring at me. "Your test it tomorrow."  
  
"I know," I groaned, clutching my hair in my fists. "I just can't think this late at night."  
  
"Night," Tom laughed, looking at his watch. "It's tomorrow already. Now, the Ilfracombe attack was..."  
  
"Done by dragons," I announced.  
  
Tom shook his head at me, smiling.  
  
"I know you know this stuff," he told me. "Maybe we should just quit for tonight."  
  
"No," I insisted, looking blurry-eyed at him. "I'm OK."  
  
"OK," Tom accepted, returning his focus to the book. "When was Clause 73 added to the International Code of Wizarding Secrecy?"   
  
I closed my eyes and concentrated as hard as I could in that condition. When? When was Clause 73 added? What was Clause 73? Oh, I couldn't believe this. I had merely hours until my final test. I would be caught-up and be back to having a normal life. All I had to do was answer this question. Now, what was the question again?  
  
"True," I said.  
  
"That's it," Tom began, gathering my books together. "You're going to bed."  
  
After he had my book bag packed, he flung it over his shoulder, then helped me out of my chair, having one hand around my waist as we walked out of the library. My eyelids were so heavy. All I needed to do was lean against Tom and I could easily fall asleep, even while walking. The corridor looked as if it was rocking from side to side.   
  
"Hmm," I moaned as my head fell against Tom's shoulder.  
  
"If you're that tired..." he said. Then he leaned down and scooped my legs in one arm. He carried me across-the-threshold style down the corridor. It was nice and comfortable.  
  
"Lina! Lina!" Tom whispered, shaking me gently in his arms.  
  
I blinked awake and looked up at him.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't carry you all the way to Hufflepuff common, but I'm not allowed to know where it is," Tom explained as he set me on my feet.  
  
I rubbed my eyes.  
  
"Do you think you can make it by yourself?" He asked in a worried tone.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"OK, I'll see you tomorrow then?" He said, handing my book bag to me.  
  
I pulled it on my shoulder, then collapsed from the weight. I didn't mind, just curled up in a comfortable position and closed me eyes.   
  
"Oh, Lina," Tom laughed.   
  
He conjured a couple blankets with his wand, covered me with one, and set the other next to me for himself. He lay down facing me and smiled.  
  
"I'll stay right here and protect you," he whispered.  
  
I just smiled and drifted off.  
  
*******************  
  
A/N: I got the inspiration for this because the other day, I was this tired and my friend Kat insisted on dragging me around Wal-Mart. I thought if only I could get to the furniture section, I would be in heaven. No such luck. Then after we had gotten to her house, she expected me to stay up even longer and talk with some boys on the net. Didn't have much luck with that either.   
  
A/N2: OK, so I don't exactly know what toad in the hole is. I just heard it said on some British movie. If anyone knows what it is, I'm kinda curious.   
  
A/N3: We're not out of the woods yet. I'm still having trouble with the rest of the storyline. I would really appreciate some suggestions. Thanks all.   
  
A/N4: I tried this chapter without the lyrics embedded in the story. DO you like it better with or without the songs? 


	10. All Things Obscure

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Ten: All Things Obscure  
  
One eye slid open. The other followed. My vision was a little blurry, but I could make out the rafters. Rafters? There weren't any rafters in my room. Suddenly, the previous night's events came flooding back. I glanced quickly at Tom. He lay on his stomach, his arms over his head as he snored softly. I wondered what time it was. I did have a History of Magic test today at noon. I glanced at Tom's watch. It was a half-hour 'till.   
  
"Crud, Tom!" I shouted.  
  
Tom instantly rolled on to his back and sat up. He looked at me wide-eyed.  
  
"What? What? What happened?" He demanded, not looking completely coherent.  
  
"I have a test in a half an hour," I told him, standing up and grabbing my book bag.  
  
Tom yawned and ran his fingers through his disheveled black hair. He blinked a couple of times.  
  
"I feel like the living dead," Tom muttered.  
  
"I must look like it," I said, picturing how horrid I must have looked.  
  
Tom glanced up at me and smiled. "Nah, you look good."  
  
I blushed.  
  
"I have to go," I told him, trying to hide my smile.  
  
Tom fell back on the floor and stared at the roof. I stepped over him to head toward Hufflepuff Common.  
  
"Hey," Tom called after me. "Make sure to look through your notes right before the test!"  
  
"I will," I said over my shoulder.   
  
Once I was cleaned up and stuff, I went immediately to Professor Binns' room. He glared at me as I came in.  
  
"You're late," he shot at me. "Take a seat. You have exactly two minutes to review your notes, then you must put them away. Following that, I will give you the test."  
  
I nodded. As I shuffled through my notes, trying to catch random dates, I found a letter among them which was not in any handwriting I knew. I saw that it was signed by Tom. He must have put it in my notes last night, before he fell asleep. The note said:  
  
"Lina,  
  
I just want to say good luck on the test and all. You'd better ace it! But, also, as I watched you sleeping, I realized that there's something that I want you to know. Would you meet me in the owlery after your test? There's something I've been meaning to tell you.   
  
Tom Riddle"  
  
A read the note over a few times. Why would he want to meet me, in the owlery no less? Maybe he had gotten a letter he wanted to share with me. Of course, I couldn't imagine what it could say that he'd want me to know. The way the note was worded, though, ("There's something I've been meaning to tell you.") sounded as if he'd had a secret for a while. What kind of secret would he want me to know?  
  
"Put your notes away. Your time is up," Professor Binns informed.  
  
"Curse you, Tom," I said under my breath. "I didn't get time to study."  
  
I put my notes away in my book bag. Professor Binns set the test on my desk. It was probably four pages, with tons of short answer questions, three essay questions, and very few multiple choice. I glanced up at Professor Binns. He watched me from his desk, his eyes narrowed as if he expected me to cheat or something. I took a deep breath and looked over the first question. Hey, I knew the answer! I knew the next one too! As I went through the test, I realized there were very few questions I couldn't answer. I even think I did well with the essay questions. It was exciting.   
  
About fifteen minutes later, I handed Binns the test. He gave it a once over, then dismissed me. I immediately climbed the stairs to the owlery. Brilliant colors flamed into the musty old tower, making it look almost beautiful. Tom stood at the other end of the owlery, looking over a paper in his hand by the dusk light. He hadn't noticed that I was there yet. I shut the door loudly to give him the clue. Tom jumped and then looked at me.   
  
"You startled me," Tom informed, looking uncharacteristically nervous.   
  
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked bluntly.  
  
Tom looked at the paper again and, making a affronted face, he tore it up and threw it out the window. Seeing my curious expression, he smiled.  
  
"I had written down what I wanted to say," Tom explained. "It sounds really dumb now."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. What was this all about?  
  
Tom walked up to me, saying, "Lina, you're...well, I really...you know..."  
  
'Tell me already!' I almost yelled. Luckily, I held it back. That would have been insensitive and rude. But I really wished he would spit it out. I was starting to get paranoid. What if he didn't want to study with me anymore? What if he thought I was bad for his image?  
  
"I've had a wonderful time helping you out," Tom told me.  
  
Oh, No! He was going to stop seeing me. My whole world was going to end in one second.  
  
"Lina," Tom re-began, "I'm having a hard time saying this. There's only one other way I can think of to convey what I want to tell you. So, I'd like to apologize in advance for this..."  
  
I was completely confused at this point. Then, something happened. Tom pulled me close to him and kissed me. I was in absolute shock. Tom Riddle was kissing me! Was this a dream? Did I not wake up this morning? Suddenly, the room began spinning all around us. I was getting so dizzy. Just when I thought I was going to faint, Tom let go of me and backed away.  
  
"So, there you have it," he said.  
  
I blinked at him, taking in deep breaths.  
  
Tom and I stood in silence for a while and then, without warning, he walked right passed me and out the door. I wasn't sure why, nor could I think about it. I was still in pure shock.  
  
**Go on  
  
Go on  
  
Come on  
  
Leave me breathless  
  
Tempt me  
  
Tease me  
  
Until I can't deny this  
  
Loving feeling  
  
Make me long for your kiss  
  
Go on   
  
Go on  
  
Yeah, Come on**  
  
-"Leave Me Breathless"   
  
A/N: OK, so it wouldn't be dusk so soon after noon, but it's just more romantic if it's dusk. Don't you think?  
  
A/N: You know, I really wished I had thought this through more. It could have been so much better had I incorporated the Chamber of Secrets going on and had I done more research on the time period. I think I also would have had more of an idea as to what the heck was going to happen next. Too late now. If anyone has ideas, please tell me. I am quite stumped at the moment. 


	11. How Tom Feels

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
A/N: Thank you for your reviews, your ideas and thanks for being so patient. I am terribly sorry my writer's block was such an inconvenience.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Eleven: What Tom Feels  
  
The students returned to Hogwarts the next day. I waited out in front to see Clarissa. I'm not sure if I was more disappointed or relieved that Tom wasn't out there waiting too. I wouldn't even know what to say to him. Every conversation that I played in my head ended with me kissing him. I'm sure you're asking 'What's wrong with that?' Well, there's plenty wrong with that. Just don't ask me what. My head was swirling with thoughts and they were coming and leaving so fast that I wasn't even sure what they were. Oh, I wanted to kiss Tom. I yearned to have him near me. 'Why was I avoiding him then?' you ask. Well, that has a perfectly simple answer. Just let me try to think of one.  
  
Clarissa broke through the crowd like a stampeding buffalo and headed straight toward me. She shrieked with a huge smile on her face as she threw her arms around me and almost knocked me off balance.   
  
"Oh, Lina!" Clarissa cried. "I missed you so much!"  
  
"Thanks," I breathed.  
  
"Was your Christmas simply awful here alone?" Clarissa asked, pulling away from me.  
  
"It wasn't too bad," I shrugged, feeling a blush creep up that I was sure would give me away.  
  
"I got you a present," Clarissa announced. "Come on, let's take my trunk to Hufflepuff common."  
  
I nodded and followed her over to the carriage she had ridden in. We pulled her trunk down and carried it inside the school. Then we lugged the trunk up the main staircase and continued through the Charms hall. Heading toward the dead end, I held my side of the trunk with one hand and balanced it on my knee so I could reach up and push on the torch.   
  
"What's the door?" Clarissa asked, leading the way in.  
  
"The Ghost in the Attic," I told her.  
  
She went straight to a door that said that phrase and turned the doorknob with the crook of her arm. We pushed through and dropped the trunk instantly when we were inside Hufflepuff common. The fire was still lit, and it was nice and warm. Clarissa opened her trunk and started digging through it.   
  
"Ah-ha!" Clarissa shouted, pulling a small keychain out of the trunk and handing it to me. "It's small but I thought you would like it."  
  
I looked at it. It was a flat piece of black plastic with a card attached to it. The card read 'Kiss-O-Meter. Kiss the plastic and it will measure how good a kisser you are.' For some reason, this made me laugh.   
  
"Try it," Clarissa said excitedly.  
  
I licked my lips and went to kiss it, but then I started laughing. I tried again, but I busted up.  
  
"Clarissa, I feel silly," I told her.  
  
"Just pretend that it's Tom," Clarissa suggested, smiling at me.  
  
I looked at the keychain. Pretend it's Tom. Tom is right here standing before me. He has that cool, confident smile as he looks down at me. His gaze is so tender and he touches my face lightly. He's leaning toward me. Our lips meet briefly.  
  
"Let me see what color it is!" Clarissa squealed, pulling the keychain from my hands. "It's purple-pink. That means...Wow! It says you're hot stuff!"   
  
I started to blush. I wondered if it would have said the same thing had I not pretended it was Tom I was kissing. I felt a sudden chill go through my arms. I had to see Tom.  
  
**************  
  
Clarissa and I walked down the Great Hall for dinner. I kept feeling like any second Tom would walk around a corner and we'd be face-to-face. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop myself from kissing him instantly.   
  
Tom didn't appear out of no where. We just went into the Great Hall without disturbance. I spotted Tom immediately. He was surrounded by a group of Slytherins, both girls and boys. He saw smiling and telling them some story. They all laughed. For some reason, that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I felt like they were laughing at me. Maybe it was just me feeling sorry for myself. Tom was back with his old group, laughing it up as if nothing at all was different. Why did it bother me so much?  
  
I followed Clarissa to a spot on Hufflepuff table. Dumbledore stood and gave a speech about Christmas and how glad he was to be back. He talked about what he expected this term. I wasn't really paying much attention. I kept looking over my shoulder at Tom. A girl was sitting right next to him. She was pretty too with long blonde hair and a seductive smile. She whispered in Tom's ear. I looked away. What had I expected? The great Tom Riddle would leave behind his popular life for me? That he would stop doing the things he always did, including flirting with every girl in school? You can't change a man, I suppose. It was a melancholy thought.  
  
"What's wrong?" Clarissa asked after Dumbledore's speech was over.   
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Don't give me that!" Clarissa said. "You look on the verge of tears."  
  
"I'm OK," I whispered.  
  
"Maybe we should go back to the common room," Clarissa suggested.  
  
She took my hand and led me from the room. I glanced back at Tom. He was looking at me in concern. Clarissa pulled me up the main staircase.  
  
"Lina!" Tom called, running up after me.  
  
Clarissa dropped my hand instantly.  
  
"Uh," Tom began, "We-where're you going?"  
  
"To Hufflepuff common," I told him.  
  
"Oh, well, uh," Tom half-smiled. "Can I walk you part of the way?"   
  
I bit my lip.  
  
"Yes! Yes, we'd love it!" Clarissa exclaimed.  
  
Tom laughed. We started off up the stairs together.  
  
"I was hoping to run into you again before the other students came back, but that didn't happen," Tom muttered, his hands behind his back.   
  
I half-smiled.  
  
"You see, I meant to explain about the other day," Tom continued. "That was terribly inappropriate of me. You probably think I'm a major jerk."  
  
"What was inappropriate?" Clarissa shrieked. "What'd you do? What'd he do? Did he smack you?"  
  
"No, Clarissa," I hushed her.   
  
"Then what?" Clarissa demanded. "No one ever tells me anything."  
  
Now, Tom was beginning to blush. I could just strangle Clarissa. Tom was trying to say something, and he was being so cute for apologizing and here Clarissa was begging for an explanation. I guess that was my fault for not having told her what happened. She was my best friend, after all. The least I could do was tell her when something as momentous as being kissed by Tom Riddle happened.  
  
"Clar, I will explain everything later," I promised. "Could you please calm down?"  
  
"How will I know what he's talking about if no one tells me?" Clarissa questioned, more whining than asking.   
  
"There's quite a simple way to fix this," Tom announced. "If you don't mind, Lina, I will explain the entire situation and then your friend will know what I'm talking about."  
  
"Go ahead," I said. If he didn't find it too embarrassing to say than I wouldn't find it too embarrassing to hear.  
  
Tom put a finger to his lips in thought for a moment. I guess he was trying to decide where to start. Clarissa folded her arms impatiently, waiting for his explanation. I stood aside, biting my lip and wondering how his side of this thing would go. Finally, Tom clasped his arms behind his back and looked straight at Clarissa.  
  
"Over the holiday," Tom began. "No, really, it was before that. It all started when I saw a cute little red-haired sixth year walking through the halls with her arms full of books."  
  
I blushed. He thought I was cute?   
  
"I must say I was fascinated from the very beginning," Tom told Clarissa, while glancing at me. "And her determination in catching up in class was positively wonderful, but I could tell she needed help. Naturally, I offered to help her study. Part of the reason being the fact that I wanted to see her more often."  
  
There was this warm, fuzzy feeling building up inside me. I didn't know he felt that way.  
  
Tom went on, "Then there was that incident in the library which is a little hard to explain. Uh, see we were practicing spells and somehow we..sort of..fell on top of each other."  
  
Clarissa let out a brief squeal.  
  
Tom continued, though he was blushing. "After that, I had meant to ask Lina to the Yule Ball, but it seemed she had been avoiding me."  
  
I lowered my eyes.  
  
"You know, of course, that we danced at the Yule Ball," Tom said.  
  
Clarissa nodded quickly, to urge him on. She seemed to find everything absolutely fascinating.  
  
"But you didn't know," Tom began, speaking warmly, "that that moment was when I realized I was falling in love."  
  
I felt like I was going to cry or something. Why didn't he ever tell ME all this?  
  
"You can't imagine how surprised and overjoyed I was when I found out we would be spending the entire holiday together," Tom said, smiling. "I wanted to spend every minute with her, but Lina had plans to work all holiday. Finally, I convinced her to let me help."  
  
Clarissa stared at him intently. Tom was smiling to himself.  
  
"Lina sure was tired," he laughed. "She decided to make a bed in the middle of the corridor. I stayed by her just in case."  
  
Clarissa let out a sigh.  
  
"It was then," Tom told her, "while I watched her sleep, that I decided I needed to tell her how much I cared. So, I wrote her a note and asked her to meet me in the owlry. I ran what I was going to say over and over in my head. I even wrote it down. When she entered, the sunlight was touching her face in such a way...I was struck dumb. She was so beautiful. I couldn't say what I wanted to. So, I tried to show her how I felt by...kissing her."  
  
Tom glanced over at me. I wasn't sure what he expected me to do or say. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that I loved him, that he meant the world to me. I wanted to say that that kiss was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. But I couldn't. I just stood there, staring at him.   
  
"Anyway," Tom continued, turning his attention back to Clarissa, "it was completely inappropriate and I should not have acted so brashly. And so, that's it. I just wanted to apologize to Lina."  
  
Clarissa's eyes were very wide.   
  
"So," Tom said, looking terribly uncomfortable at our silence, "now that I've said that, I guess I ought to leave. Hope to see you around, Clarissa, and..." he turned to me and took my hand. "Lina, if you don't hate me too much, I'd like to see you around."  
  
He leaned down and kissed my hand. Then, he turned and left.  
  
"Lina," Clarissa breathed. "Lina...he-he loves you, Lina!"  
  
My only response to this was to smile. I felt like giggling, but that would be too silly. But, actually, what girl can really hold in the giggles when she has them. So there I was, giggling away, with Clarissa shocked out of her mind. It was a wonderful day.  
  
A/N: OK, this is a weird chapter. I don't know why I wrote it, but I figured I ought to write something soon or you fans would track me down and make me write something. I think I know what's going happen next so you shouldn't have to wait too long before the next chapter. 


	12. Rodney

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Twelve: Rodney   
  
"Lina Riddle," Clarissa sighed, sitting beside me on my bed. "It does have a ring to it, doesn't it?"  
  
I just laughed and returned to my Herbology report.  
  
"How can you be so calm?" Clarissa squealed. "I mean, you could actually be Mrs. Tom Riddle."  
  
"I doubt that," I muttered, still smiling.  
  
"Oh, but he loves you," Clarissa reminded. "And you love him too, right?"  
  
"Of course I do," I told her. "How could I help it? He's wonderful."  
  
"Well..." Clarissa urged.  
  
I shook my head when I looked at her. "What do you want me to do? Climb out my window and scream at the top of my lungs. Do you want me to break out in song? Do you want me run through the corridors, yelling how much I love Tom?"  
  
"Something like that," Clarissa said, poking me in the side.  
  
"I'd really like to see how you'd react if you had a boyfriend," I laughed to myself.   
  
"Some aren't as lucky as others," Clarissa sighed discontentedly as she lay on her stomach.  
  
"Oh, come on, Clar," I began, laying beside her. "You'll find him, a man who loves you no matter how crazy you are."  
  
Clarissa smiled.  
  
**I make a wish for you  
  
And hope it will come true  
  
That life would just be kind  
  
To such a gentle mind**  
  
-"Remember Me This Way"  
  
"Speaking on which," Clarissa began, rolling on to her side to look at me. "When's the next time you'll see Tom?"  
  
I shrugged, "We have History of Magic with him today."  
  
"Maybe he'll ask you on a real date," Clarissa mused. "Maybe he'll kiss you."  
  
"In class? I should hope not!" I exclaimed, looking at my watch. "Oh, it's about time for class so we'll find out soon enough."  
  
Clarissa jumped up while I stuffed all my books and scrolls of parchment into my bookbag. We hurried out of Hufflepuff common together.  
  
"Oh, Lina!" Clarissa sighed, walking backwards next to me. "Everything wonderful happens to you."  
  
"Wonderful?" I laughed. "How about coming to school three months late and having to catch up on all the homework I missed?"  
  
"Oh, but it was all good because if it weren't for that, you'd never met Tom," Clarissa explained.  
  
She had a point. Tom was worth all that work, especially since I knew now that he cared for me too. I just smiled at Clarissa, who was still walking backwards next to me through the halls.  
  
"Have a nice view?" I joked.  
  
"Just once, I wish I'd meet someone," Clarissa said.  
  
"Wait a second," I said, stopping. "I have to tie my shoe."  
  
"Hurry, Lina," Clarissa said, walking backwards still.  
  
As I laced up my shoes quickly, hoping Clarissa wouldn't get too far ahead, I briefly glanced up just in time to see a guy running through the halls, heading straight for Clarissa.  
  
"Clar, look out!" I shouted.  
  
She turned around just as he collided with her. Books went flying, people screamed. Clarissa ended up on her back with the guy laying across her legs. My first impulse was to run up to her and see if she was OK, but as the guy looked up, I hesitated. The moment he saw Clarissa, his green-grey eyes grew very round and his large ears went red. I knew instantly that he liked my friend.  
  
"I am so terribly sorry," the guy insisted, getting to his feet and holding out a hand for Clarissa. "I was in a hurry and I didn't see you. Please forgive me."  
  
Clarissa didn't reach for his hand. Instead, she crawled around on the ground, feeling for her glasses. The guy took them from where they lay next to Clarissa's knee and put them in her hand. She immediately place them on her face then looked up at her admirer. And boy was he ever tall. He was as muscular as any other athletic male, but his height made him look somewhat gangly. He had a rather long and pointed nose and a mess of curly blonde hair on top of his head. He held out his long arm to Clarissa once again. This time she took it. His extra tallness made her look extra stout as she stared up at him.  
  
"I hope you're all right," he said, not letting go of her hand.  
  
Clarissa nodded very slowly, not taking her eyes off him.  
  
"M'name's Rodney Ellsworth," he told her, smiling. "What's your name?"  
  
"Clarissa Robins," was all she said.   
  
Rodney and Clarissa just stared at each other for a while. Finally, I decided that it was about time we got to class, so I had to interrupt them.  
  
"Clarissa," I began, walking up, "I am so sorry but we have to get to class."  
  
"Oh, dear!" Clarissa squealed, dropping on the floor to pick up her things.  
  
"You can go on to class, I'll help her," Rodney said, smirking.  
  
He was a Slytherin so we had class together and I knew he liked her, but for some reason, I didn't want to leave my friend alone with him. Still, I didn't want to get any more behind.  
  
"You all right, Clar?" I asked quickly.  
  
"Yes, go on," Clarissa insisted.  
  
I nodded and sprinted off to class. Professor Binns hadn't called roll yet, so I wasn't all that late. I spotted Tom and hurried to sit next to him.  
  
"Do you know Rodney Ellsworth?" I asked as I pulled my History of Magic book out of my bag.  
  
Looking somewhat shocked, Tom said, "Yes, he's a Beater on the Slytherin team. Good guy. Why?"  
  
"No reason, we just bumped into him in the hall," I explained. "Well, Clarissa bumped into him...er, he bumped into Clarissa. Anyway, we met him, and I think he took a fancy to Clar."  
  
"Really?" Tom asked, smiling wryly as he leaned back in his chair.  
  
"They should be in soon," I told him, watching the door.  
  
I felt Tom's hand close around mine. I glanced over at him. His smile was as intoxicating as ever. I couldn't help but smile back. He squeezed my hand, his bright blue eyes scanning my face. For a second, I was sure he was going to kiss me right there in class. But before he had the chance, Professor Binns began calling roll. He went over Rodney and Clarissa's names. I didn't know if it would help to say they were coming so I kept quiet. Soon enough, before the roll was even over, the door creaked open. Binns and the entire class watched Rodney and Clarissa creep in. Clarissa blushed. She wasn't use to so many eyes on her.   
  
"Professor, it was entirely my fault we're late," Rodney told Binns. "I bumped into Clarissa because I wasn't watching where I was going. Her things were scattered all through the corridor, and we had to pick them up."  
  
Binns nodded, saying, "Sit down, then."  
  
Rodney saw Clarissa's discomfort. He put an arm around her and led her up where Tom and I were sitting. I smiled at her as she sat next to me which just made her blush more. Rodney sat on the other side of her. Binns finished calling roll then went on with the lesson.   
  
I quickly wrote a note saying, "Did you see the smile on his face? The way he was looking at you?" then set it on Clarissa's desk. She read over it, then gave me a confused look. After writing a bit, she handed the note back to me.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Rodney, he likes you," I wrote.  
  
Clarissa glanced at it. She looked confused again. Quickly she took a peek in Rodney's direction. Biting her lip, she wrote, "Who are you kidding? Why would he want to go with me?"  
  
I shook my head as I wrote my reply. "He likes you. I can tell."  
  
Clarissa took the note, read it, and added something on. She put it on my desk.   
  
"You're saying you have some all-powerful boy intuition? You didn't even know Tom liked you when it was absolutely obvious."  
  
I laughed at this and wrote back, "Just like you don't know Rodney likes you even though it's absolutely obvious."  
  
She wrote, "Lina, look at me. I'm fat. I have glasses. My hair is always a mess. I'm ugly. How could a tall, blonde Beater even consider me?"  
  
Upon reading this, I was shocked. How could Clarissa see herself this way? She was a little overweight, but not enough to be fat. Sure, she had glasses but so did half the school. And no one could call her ugly. She had a nice, clear complexion and soft, brown hair. I loved my friend, and I thought she was beautiful. Being her friend, she would never believe me. If only I could get Tom to tell her without her thinking I coached him.  
  
Clarissa pulled the paper from my hands and wrote something quickly, then returned it to my desk. It read: "No reply to that?"  
  
I didn't care if she wouldn't believe me. I was going to tell her anyway. Quickly, I wrote, "Clar, you're beautiful, and it saddens me that you can't see that. I am beyond positive that Rodney thinks the same. Wait a bit and I'm sure he'll prove it to you."   
  
As she read it, Clarissa let a small smile slip. She shook her head and wrote something. I took the note from her.   
  
"You're dreaming, but thanks for the thought."  
  
I smiled at her, then glanced around at Rodney. He was taking notes. For just a second, though, while his hand was still writing, his eyes strayed to Clarissa. I smiled wider.  
  
A/N: Clarissa's got a boyfriend! Clarissa and Rodney sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I was seriously thinking of making Rodney Hagrid, but then I thought about Maxime. Hagrid isn't made for anyone else. ANd it comes to my attention that Clarissa could have been Moaning Myrtle. Too late to change it now. 


	13. I Need You

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Thirteen: I Need You  
  
Clarissa burst into the library, causing the doors to make a loud bang against the wall. Everyone studying there looked up at her in shock and surprise. She ran across the library, panting, and sat herself opposite me.  
  
"Li--Li--Li--," she panted.  
  
"Finally trying to get a start on the Potions Essay?" I asked, dipping my quill in ink.  
  
"No--no--no," she took a deep breath. "Lina, I need...your help."  
  
I set my quill down and listened to her.  
  
"I was walking to the Quidditch field," Clarissa explained. "See, I had heard that there was going to be practice today. And I thought, hey, I like Quidditch. Maybe I should see if I like watching practice. See, I had always wondered-"  
  
"Yes," I interrupted. "You went to see Rodney. I get it. Continue."  
  
"Well," she breathed. "Rodney was there, you see. He-he plays wonderfully. I can't believe I've never noticed how great he is with that Beater club."  
  
I rested my chin in my hand.  
  
"Anyway," Clarissa continued. "Rodney saw me. How embarrassing is that? He landed and came over to talk to me. And we got to talking about the Hogsmeade trip coming up. And..Rodney...He...asked me if I wanted to hang out with him."  
  
"I told you, I told you," I laughed. "Didn't I tell you he liked you?"  
  
Clarissa blushed and shrugged.  
  
"Anyway," she went on, "I was wondering if you would come with us."  
  
"Oh, no," I insisted. "I don't want to come between two love birds."  
  
"No, no," Clarissa said. "I need you there, for moral support. If it were just me and him, I would surely die of discomfort. If you were there, I might act more myself, you know? Please, Lina!"  
  
"All right," I conceded. "But once you two start getting comfortable, I'm going to conveniently excuse myself."  
  
"That's fine," Clarissa told me. "Thanks, Lina."  
  
"What are friends for?" I said, smiling. "You'd better start on you potions Essay."  
  
"Oh, Lina," Clarissa sighed. "How can I think about Potions when I'm this excited?"  
  
"Why don't you run through the halls yelling that you love Rodney?" I joked.  
  
"I couldn't," Clarissa insisted. "I would die of embarrassment."  
  
I just laughed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The weekend arrived too slowly, and everyone was glad to get away from classes and away from the musty, old castle. Hogsmeade was like a mini-vacation. Clarissa and I spared no time in getting out into the fresh air. The horseless carriages were waiting for us. Clarissa quickly grabbed us one just when I realized something.  
  
"Clar, I've gotta go back!" I called to her.   
  
"What?" She said out the carriage window. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I forgot my money pouch," I told her, heading back up the steps toward Hogwarts.  
  
"No, Lina!" Clarissa exclaimed. "Wait!"  
  
"Where are you meeting Rodney?" I called over my shoulder.  
  
"Three Broomsticks," Clarissa said.   
  
"I'll meet you there," I promised.  
  
Clarissa bit her lip as the carriage drove off toward Hogsmeade. I hurried up to Hufflepuff Hall and grabbed my pouch out of my trunk. It was not going to be fun walking all the way to Hogsmeade, but it was OK. I could use a walk anyway.   
  
As I ran through the holographic wall, I bumped into someone and fell to the ground. I glanced up at Tom. He smiled down at me and held out a hand. I put my hand in his, and he pulled me to my feet.   
  
"Didn't go to Hogsmeade?" Tom asked, running his fingers through his black hair.  
  
"Oh, well," I sputtered, holding up my money pouch. "I forgot this. What about you?"  
  
"I wasn't going to go," Tom muttered, "but since you are, I might as well walk you."  
  
I replied instantly, "If you have something better to do, you don't have to walk me."  
  
"Don't be silly," Tom smiled wryly. "There's nothing I would enjoy more than being in your company."  
  
I blushed. Tom took my hand, and we started off. It was a few minutes before we were out in the open air.   
  
"You know, we haven't had an opportunity to talk," Tom told me.  
  
"Talk? About what?" I asked coyly, knowing exactly what he was saying.   
  
"Well," he began, looking a little embarrassed, "about the other day when I said all that stuff to Clarissa."  
  
"Oh, yes, that," I muttered.  
  
"You haven't said anything about it," Tom reminded. "And I was wondering how you felt about it all."  
  
How I felt about it all? I thought my actions would say enough. I sat next to him in class and we've had polite conversation. I figure my lack of awkwardness would show him that everything's great. But I guess he just couldn't see that. He wanted my feelings straight out which I wasn't accustomed to sharing. I bit my lip, trying to think of how would be the best way to explain it.   
  
"I was very flattered to hear all that," I told him, feeling my skin begin to tingle.  
  
"Is that all?" Tom asked.   
  
"What else do you want to know?" I retorted. "That's what I felt."  
  
"Flattered," he said it like I had said I was indifferent to him.  
  
I wasn't indifferent. And I was more than flattered, but I just didn't know how to express my feelings in the way he wanted me to. Tom didn't say very much after that. We walked for some time in silence. Was what I said that disappointing? I had to make it better. Seeing him sad just made me feel terrible.  
  
"I was relieved," I said finally. "I was glad. You couldn't explain the joy I felt in knowing how you felt."  
  
Tom glanced at me, but I kept from looking at him.  
  
"I was happy you felt the same way I did," I muttered, looking at the ground.  
  
Tom stopped immediately. I stopped too and looked at him. He wasn't smiling, just looking at me intensely. It made me want to look away, but I couldn't. Tom slid his hand up my cheek and directed my lips toward his. The moment our lips touched, this warm feeling burned through me in an instant. I wanted to kiss him forever, but then he pulled away. Tom's eyes scanned my face quickly. I bit my lip to keep from smiling, but I couldn't hide it. I knew Tom could see because he smiled too. His hand made its way back into mine and we continued our walk to Hogsmeade, staring at each other.  
  
  
  
A/N: This chapter is based on a converstaion my ex-boyfriend and I had. Very loosely based. Mostly, just the feelings and circumstance of those feelings were alike. The words are complete fabrication. Anyway, I noticed that my Tom had quite a bit in common with my recently ex-ed boyfriend. Maybe if I had been as forward with him as Lina was able to be, I might have saved the relationship. I miss my boyfriend! I miss my Tom Riddle! They always say there are other fish in the sea, but I fear there will be no one quite like him. Anyway, back to Harry Potter. What'd you think of my chapter? Pretty good? 


	14. There You Are

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.  
  
A/N: Just a warning, the beginning of this is like mushy, gushy fluff.   
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Fourteen: There You Are  
  
Tom and I sat across from each other at a cute little tea shop. It was covered in little hearts and things, perfect for a romantic moment with the boy I loved. Our hands were clasped across the table as we stared into each other's eyes. His deep, blue eyes were wonderful to just sink into. I wanted to live in his eyes. I wanted to live forever, feeling his touch. It was so soft and warm, like butterfly wings. I could never be unhappy with those eyes looking into mine and those hands ever so gently rubbing mine. And I have a feeling that he felt the same.  
  
"Strawberry Vanilla," the waitress said.  
  
"Oh, that's me," I said.  
  
The waitress set the china glass of pink tea in front of me.   
  
"Mint chocolate?" she said, looking at Tom.  
  
He nodded, and she set down his tea. The waitress walked away, leaving us completely enthralled in each other. Neither one of us were all that interested in tea.  
  
"I love you," Tom whispered.  
  
"I love you too," I whispered back.  
  
Tom leaned near and kissed me twice. I ran a hand up into his hair while we pressed our foreheads together.   
  
"Ever wonder if we're caught in some dream," I said quietly.  
  
"If we are, I hope I never wake up," Tom replied into my ear.  
  
I twirled a few of his black hairs around my finger, my eyes closed, just absorbing the love we shared.  
  
"TOM!"  
  
I jumped back in fright and stared at the four Slytherins who busted in to the quaint, little tea room. They came right up to our table. Tom stood to greet them.  
  
"We saw you through the window," a red-head said, raising his eyebrows at me.  
  
"You looked all cozy snoggling," laughed a stout boy.  
  
"So we figured we'd come in and bust you two up before the tea room was over heated," explained a girl in a blonde ponytail.  
  
"Thanks for that," Tom said sarcastically.   
  
"Aren't you going to introduce us?" the red-head asked.  
  
Tom gave me a apologetic smile as he said, "Everyone, this is Lina Shay of Hufflepuff. Lina, these are friends of mine. The red-head is Reagan Van Tassel. The stout one back there is Hugh Heratio. This is the lovely Helga Dinty. And the silent one is Char London."  
  
"Hey," Reagan greeted, raising his eyebrows at me again.  
  
"Yo," said Hugh, giving me a nod.  
  
"Hi there," Helga smirked.  
  
"I ain't silent!" Char shouted.  
  
"Hi," I muttered, feeling somehow out of place.  
  
"Anyway," Reagan began, "we was wondering if you wanted to come with us to L. P. Connors to play some games."  
  
"Nah, we're going to hang out here," Tom told him.  
  
"OK," Reagan laughed. "We'll leave you to your tea-sipping."  
  
They all turned to leave. I let out a breath to relax myself. I was so glad they were finally leaving.  
  
"Hold up a sec," Hugh said suddenly. "Maybe he knows."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Reagan agreed. "Tom, you know where we can find Rod. We've been looking all over for him."  
  
"Um," Tom looked at me for an answer, but I had none to give. "I don't know."  
  
Reagan shrugged then led the guys out of the tea room. Tom sat back down.  
  
"I guess I figured you'd know where Rod was," Tom shrugged.  
  
"Who's Rod?" I asked.  
  
"Rodney Ellsworth," Tom clarified. "Wasn't he supposed to be with your friend today?"  
  
"Oh crud!" I exclaimed. "What time is it?"  
  
Tom looked at his watch, saying, "It's about time we head back to Hogwarts actually."  
  
"C'mon," I ordered, taking Tom's hand and pulling him from the tea shop.   
  
"What's going on?" Tom asked.  
  
"I was supposed to meet Clarissa and Rodney hours ago," I told him, pulling him toward the Three Broomsticks.  
  
We entered the dimly lit tavern. I quickly scanned the tables and realized they weren't there. I should have known. That would be the first place the Slytherins would look for Rodney. But where else could they be?   
  
Tom and I sat on the curb. He just watched me while I thought out loud.  
  
"Let's say Clarissa were me," I began. "I was sitting in there with you and we were waiting for Clarissa to come and meet us. We wouldn't run out on her, would we?"  
  
"True, but you were hours late," Tom explained. "You wouldn't have waited there all day."  
  
"I guess so," I groaned. "But where would we have gone?"  
  
"To the tea shop to make out," Tom said, giving me a playful smirk.  
  
I just smiled and shook my head.  
  
"You know Rodney," I reminded. "Where would he take Clarissa?"  
  
"Don't know," Tom shrugged. "He's never had a girlfriend before. I don't even think he's ever liked a girl."  
  
"I wonder why he fell for Clarissa," I mused, staring up at the dark blue sky.   
  
"Maybe he just saw a cute Hufflepuff for what she was, like I did," Tom whispered.  
  
I glanced over at him. How did this happen on accident? I always thought that when I fell in love and found the one that the I would know it instantly. I thought there would be fireworks and a choir. But all it is is this perfect feeling deep inside when I looked into his eyes. And I never thought it would be with a guy as wonderful as Tom.  
  
"Wow," Tom whispered.  
  
"What?" I asked him, wondering if he got a cold chill or something.  
  
"I just couldn't breathe for a minute," Tom told me. "You're just so beautiful, it takes my breath away sometimes."  
  
I leaned close to Tom and brushed my lips against his. I felt his arm slip around to my back, pulling me closer.   
  
"Get a room, will you!"  
  
Tom and I looked up toward the cascade of giggles to see Rodney and Clarissa standing over us.   
  
"Where in the Wizarding World have you been?" I demanded, standing up.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing!" Clarissa shot back.  
  
"Oh, well," I began, glancing at Tom. "I forgot, and when we came looking for you guys, you weren't here."  
  
"You expected me to sit around in there all day?" Clarissa asked.  
  
"Let's just call it a truce, OK?" I suggested.  
  
Clarissa nodded, then threw her arms around me in a big hug.   
  
"Why do I feel like we've become invisible?" Tom said to Rodney.  
  
Clarissa and I just laughed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Clarissa and I sat on my bed together, eating some sweets Rodney had bought for Clarissa. I popped a Mood Toffee(changes flavor according to your mood) in my mouth as Clarissa braided my hair.  
  
"So what happened after Rodney got you both Butterbeers," I asked between chews.  
  
"Well," Clarissa said, "he sat opposite of me. We sat there for ten minutes just slowly drinking our Butterbeers. Neither one of us could think of anything to say. Every moment, I was wishing you'd walk through the door."  
  
She tied the end of my hair and lay on her stomach beside me.  
  
"Finally," she went on, "Rodney asks me what my favorite subject in school is. I told him that I use to love Art before I came here. But now that I'm here, my favorite subject is Care of Magical Creatures. So then he asks if I'm Muggle-Born. I told him I was, then he says he is too."  
  
"No kidding," I laughed.  
  
"Well, sorta," Clarissa shrugged. "See, his dad was a Wizard before he died. So he's half and half, but he's spent life with his mum in the Muggle world."  
  
"Did his mum ever tell him of his father and the Wizarding world?" I asked.  
  
"Not until he got his letter," Clarissa explained. "She didn't want him accidently blabbing to kids at school or something. Anyway, it turns out he's from Manchester and I have family there. So for a while we discussed old time in Manchester. Suddenly, he says we've been talking for two hours and we didn't realize it. I was all like, 'Oh, really?' And he says, 'Why don't we go for a walk' since it didn't look like you were coming. I was sure you had forgotten, so I figured there was no harm in it."  
  
"Where'd you guys go?" I queried while unwrapping chocolate-covered cauldron cupcake.   
  
"First we dropped by the sweet shop and he bought me all this candy," Clarissa glowed. "Then we took a walk up to that vacant house on the hill. Out of the blue, Rodney starts talking about the future."  
  
"What about the future? Your Future?" I asked, watching her with interest.  
  
"Come off it," Clarissa giggled. "It's a little early for that. He was talking about his future. he wants to be a lawyer at the Ministry, defending people who are wrongfully accused of treason. Then he says...that he wants to have a nice house and a family too."  
  
"I wonder what Tom wants to be?" I posed.  
  
Clarissa just shrugged as she continued, "Rodney took my hand as we walked back down the hill. Then we saw you and Tom all smoochy-faced."  
  
"Shut up!" I laughed, hitting her with a pillow.   
  
Clarissa reached over and got her pillow from her bed, and we started an all-out pillow fight.   
  
**Every now and then  
  
We find a special friend  
  
Who never lets us down  
  
Who understands it all   
  
Reaches out each time we fall  
  
You're the best friend that I've found**  
  
-"Remember Me this Way"  
  
A/N: The thing Tom said about not being able to breathe. That's something that my ex use to say to me. And I couldn't remember the name of that stupid little tea shop from book 5. 


	15. How It All Would Go

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle doesn't belong to me.  
  
A/N: If anyone really cares, I saw my ex the other day at a party. It was the first time we saw each other since we broke up. He kept smiling at me, the smile he use to give me and no one else. I tried to ignore him, my friend's suggestion. He was hard to ignore because he kept looking at me. And I kept looking at him too. Our eyes met a few times across the room. I kept wanting to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. He left not long after I had arrived, like a half hour. He didn't have to leave so soon.   
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Fifteen: The Way It All Would Go   
  
"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Clarissa shouted at me as she jumped up and down.   
  
"If we left now, we'd be there before anyone else," I informed her as I turned the page in my Herbology book.  
  
"Exactly," Clarissa insisted, "so we must hurry."  
  
I gave her a look, saying how crazy I thought she was. I don't think she received the message because she just continued to jump up and down. Finally, I closed my book and got up from my bed.   
  
"Don't forget your rosette," Clarissa said, pinning a green on my robes.  
  
FYI, Clarissa was decked out in Slytherin ware. She had on a long green robe with a large silver serpent embroidered on the back. Her hair was charmed with green and silver streaks. And, last but not least, the front of her was covered from neck to knees in green rosettes.   
  
As we headed out of the dormitory, Clarissa grabbed our brooms.   
  
"What are those for?" I asked skeptically. "Yet another gimmick to support Slytherin?"  
  
"No," Clarissa laughed as if I were nuts to suggest it. "They're so we'll get to the Quiddich field faster."  
  
"You know we'll probably be there before the players are," I told her.  
  
She just smiled at me as we walked through the hallway of doors and out the holographic wall.  
  
"If we're in this much a hurry," I began sarcastically, "we might as well find the nearest window and fly out."  
  
Clarissa smacked her forehead, saying, "Why didn't I think of that?"  
  
I shook my head. Clarissa grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a large window. She opened it and mounted her broom. There was no stopping her. And they always say if you can't beat 'um, join 'um. I got on my broom and as soon as Clarissa had jumped out the window, I followed. It had been a while since I had flown, and I had forgotten how exhilarating it was.   
  
"Look, there they are!" Clarissa exclaimed, pointing at the Slytherin Quidditch team as they headed out to the field.   
  
I glanced down. Picking Tom out of them was quite easy. He was the one with black hair that rippled in the breeze.   
  
"I saw that," Clarissa giggled.  
  
"What?"   
  
"That look," Clarissa teased.   
  
I just shrugged. What could I say?  
  
"I love Rodney," Clarissa sighed, looking down at him.  
  
"Already?"  
  
"I want to shout it from the rooftops," Clarissa announced.  
  
"Why don't you, then?" I suggested with a sly smile.  
  
Clarissa gave me a devious grin, saying, "I will if you will."  
  
I glanced down at Tom. What if he heard? Of course, he knew I loved him. What if his teammates heard? It was none of anyone's business whom I loved. Well, if Clarissa would, why shouldn't I be able to?   
  
"You first," I said.  
  
"I love Rodney Ellsworth!" Clarissa shouted at the top of her lungs.  
  
I watched the Slytherin Quidditch team. They stopped. They had heard her. I wondered what Rodney was thinking at that very moment.  
  
"It's your turn," Clarissa told me.  
  
"I love Tom," I said rather quietly.  
  
"Louder!" Clarissa exclaimed. "Say it like you mean it. Let the world know. Scream it!"  
  
My face was suddenly very hot, but I couldn't not do it. I took a deep breath and let it out really loud, "I love Tom Riddle!"  
  
We heard faint clapping from the Slytherin team below us. I blushed. As soon as they began walking again, I asked, "So, is Rodney taking you to the Valentine's Dance?"   
  
"No," Clarissa groaned. "I tried to give him the hint to ask me the other day. I told him how much I loved to dance. He just said that he didn't know how to dance."  
  
"Did you offer to teach him?" I queried, starting toward the Quidditch field on my broom.  
  
"I didn't think to," Clarissa muttered. "I was too disappointed."  
  
Clarissa and I landed right in the stands. Slytherin was having last minute practice on the field. As soon as he saw me, Tom hurried up to where we were sitting.  
  
"Hi," he said, smiling.  
  
"Hi," I replied.  
  
Tom sat next to me as he said, "Hey, you want to hang out in the library or something after the game?"  
  
Before I could answer, Clarissa blurted, "Don't you have practice afterward?"  
  
"Not as far as I know," Tom said, looking somewhat confused.   
  
"But Rodney said he had practice after the game," Clarissa declared.  
  
"Oh, well, uh," Tom sputtered. "Rodney has practice because he hasn't been doing his best, you know. The captain thinks he needs a little extra practice."  
  
"Oh, poor Rodney," Clarissa said, lowly.  
  
I don't know what it was, but something about what Tom said seemed wrong. It wasn't what he said, more how he said it. Like he was covering or something.  
  
Tom went back down to the game after giving me a quick kiss. I glanced at Clarissa, who looked at Rodney with worry. I, for some reason, was more worried about Clarissa.   
  
The stands quickly filled when the time began for the game to start. I was a little distracted, wondering what Tom and Rodney were hiding. Near the halfway point of the game, dark grey clouds began to gather above the field. Though they were threatening to ruin the game, not a drop was shed. Not until the game was over.  
  
A/N: Ah-oh...something's going to happen. 


	16. Anger's Just Love Disappointed

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle doesn't belong to me.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Anger's Just Love Disappointed  
  
Clarissa and I were pushed out of the stands with the other Hufflepuffs. We stood for a moment outside the field, while everyone else went toward the castle.   
  
"I think I'll watch Rodney practice," Clarissa told me as she headed back to the field.  
  
"It's raining," I told her, pulling my robes over my head to protect me.  
  
"It's fine," Clarissa assured me. "It will stop soon."  
  
"Clar!" I shouted but she didn't hear me over the thunder.  
  
"Lina, wait!" Tom called as he ran up to me. "Did you want to go to the library?"  
  
"Can you believe how quickly this came on?" I told him, indicating the storm.  
  
"Yeah, well, we'd better get out of it," Tom insisted, putting an arm around me.  
  
"No, wait," I said, grabbing his robes to stop him. "Clarissa's still out here."  
  
"She didn't go to see Rodney, did she?" Tom asked urgently.  
  
"She did, why?" I asked.  
  
Tom just glanced toward the field. I looked too and saw Clarissa running up. I expected her to stop when she reached us, but she just kept running, and I thought I heard her sob.  
  
"Clarissa!" I called, but she didn't respond.  
  
I sprinted after her. Tom must have known that we'd want to be alone because he didn't follow. I caught up with Clarissa under a tree near the lake. She fell to her knees and cried.  
  
"What's the matter?" I asked, trying to speak over the thunder and rain. "What happened?"  
  
"It didn't really happen," she sobbed.  
  
I set a hand on her back. "What didn't happen?"  
  
Clarissa shook her head. I grabbed her by the shoulders and made her face me. Rain and tears soaked her face.   
  
"Tell me," I said gently.  
  
"He was," Clarissa sniffled, "dancing with that blonde girl on the team."  
  
"Helga?" I asked. "But I thought he said he didn't know how to dance?"  
  
"He doesn't! It didn't really happen! Rodney loves me!" Clarissa shot, her voice shaking with anger. Then she broke down in tears again.   
  
I got mad. I got really mad. How dare Rodney do this to my friend? Oh, I could smack him. I could kick him. I could push him down the stairs. And Tom had helped him.   
  
"Stay here," I said through my teeth. "I'll come back for you."  
  
I jumped to my feet and ran across the grounds. Tom stood where I left him, getting soaked in the rain.  
  
"Lina, is Clarissa OK?" He asked as I walked up.  
  
"What do you think?" I shot at him. "Your friend lied to her."  
  
"Calm Down, he had his reasons," Tom said calmly.  
  
"His reasons!" I shouted. "What reasons could he have that would excuse this?"  
  
"Honestly, it's nothing," Tom insisted.   
  
"You jerk!" I cried. "I can't believe you just let him do this to her!"  
  
"I think you both need to just calm down," Tom told me. "You really don't understand what's going on here."  
  
"I understand," I grumbled. "First you help Rodney lie to my friend, and then you don't even care that he hurt her."  
  
"Well, he didn't mean to," Tom said. His calmness was killing me. How could he stand there and act like this was nothing?  
  
"If he didn't want to hurt her," I began, "he could try not cheating on her."  
  
"That's not what was going on," Tom insisted, folding his arms.   
  
"Clarissa saw what was going on!" I shouted. "She wouldn't lie to me."  
  
"Instead, she'll make ignorant assumptions," Tom muttered.   
  
That was it. How dare he! I couldn't contain my anger. Quickly, I smacked him across the face. Tom looked at me, still very calm.   
  
"Tell Rodney to stay away from Clarissa," I shot at him. "And you'd better leave me alone, too."  
  
With that, I walked away. I went to my friend and walked her to Hufflepuff hall. She lay on her bed, crying, while I ran my hands over her wet hair.   
  
"There are other men for us, Clar," I told her, trying to keep from crying myself.  
  
"No," Clarissa sobbed, "there is only Rodney."   
  
The rain thundered against the window. Seeing the water streaming down the glass was just making everything worse. I lay myself next to Clarissa and cried with her.   
  
**Heart  
  
I know I've been hard on you  
  
I'm sorry  
  
For the things I put you through  
  
Please  
  
Don't you break on me  
  
I need to make you see   
  
I wasn't meant to be**  
  
-"Heart"  
  
A/N: Stupid boys!! Anyway, don't worry. Things will work out. 


	17. He Said, She Said

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle doesn't belong to me.  
  
A/N: For this chapter, I am switching to Clarissa's point of view.   
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Seventeen: She Said, He Said  
  
I knew the moment I met the one, I would fall instantly in love with him. That's the way it was with Rodney. It started with a bang and then everything turned upside-down and was all fuzzy. Before I knew what was happening, I looked up into those wonderful grey-green eyes. He was a mountain of a man with strong hands that lifted me from the ground with ease. I knew that very moment that my life would be changed forever. Every second I spent with him confirmed my strong feelings for him.   
  
And at Hogsmeade, when he spoke of the future, I could see it clearly. He and I had three lovely kids. They had his curly hair, and his eyes, and my strange sense of humor. Every day, I'd care for them, while Rodney worked at the ministry defending those who couldn't defend themselves. He'd come home tired. I would give him dinner and after the kids were in bed, he and I would stay up. While he told me about his tough day, I could massage his feet by the light of our fireplace. All this and more went through my head that minute. Then he took my hand, and I knew he saw our future exactly how I did.   
  
I was sure of it all. I was positive. I would have staked my life on it. That's why it was sure an utter shock when I entered that field and saw Rodney and that blonde Slytherin Chaser dancing in the rain. She wasn't so short as I was. They fit so perfectly together, staring into each other's eyes as they gracefully swayed around the large field. It was beautiful to watch, but was like being stabbed with a dagger. How could I have been so misled? I KNEW that he was the one. I KNEW he loved me too. I KNEW it. I did. It wasn't something I had guessed. I KNEW it. It was fact. What else is there to do when your world has ended but cry?  
  
Lina tried to help me. You have to give that to her. She tried. But Lina just couldn't have helped. No one could have helped me. It didn't make sense why Rodney would do that to me. He loved me. How could he lie about not being able to dance, then lie about having practice to dance with that blonde Chaser? It didn't make sense. It was like saying that all of a sudden E didn't equal MC squared or China is now North of England. It was a lie. I was living in a contradiction. What can you do when you're living in a contradiction?  
  
As I sat on the main staircase, I thought about all this. And then when Rodney came running up, yelling my name, I didn't run away. This was for one simple reason. I was living in a contradiction. The only way I could sort this all out was for Rodney to explain it to me. I was willing to listen.  
  
"Clarissa," Rodney said, standing above me, "Tom said that you saw me dancing with Helga yesterday. He said you were upset."  
  
I glanced up at him. I guess he wanted me to respond to that, so I did.  
  
"I had right to be," I told him.  
  
"I know," Rodney said, sitting down next to me. "You totally had right hate me. I'll let you smack me right now if you want to."  
  
I smiled and shook my head.  
  
"I must say, I expected you to be madder," Rodney admitted.  
  
"I wasn't mad," I told him, looking at my feet. "I was hurt."  
  
"I'm sorry," Rodney whispered. "It wasn't what you thought, honestly."  
  
"I know it's not what I thought," I assured him, then looked at him. "What was it?"  
  
Rodney stood up and walked in front of me. He thought for a moment, then knelt in front of me. Even kneeling and me sitting on the stairs, I had to look up to him. Rodney took my hands in his.  
  
"Clar, it was a surprise," he said. "That's why I lied. It was a surprise."  
  
His green-grey eyes shined down on me. He was excited. What was it? Tell me!  
  
"You know at Hogsmeade," Rodney began, "how you said you loved to dance and I said I didn't know how?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"I knew I could never please you with my two left feet," Rodney explained. "So I asked Helga to teach me how to dance. So then I could ask you to the Valentines dance, and surprise you with the fact that I could dance after all."  
  
"Really?" I asked, higher pitched than I had meant to.  
  
"Will you go to the Valentines dance with me?" Rodney requested, almost pleading.  
  
"Of course," I told him, throwing my arms around him in a hug.  
  
Rodney pulled me with him as he stood up. I must have been three feet off the ground, but I kept hanging on to my man.   
  
"Oh, no!" I shouted suddenly, dropping to the ground.  
  
"What is it?" Rodney asked in concern.  
  
"Lina," I began. "She's still mad at Tom. We have to fix everything. They're meant to be like we are."  
  
Rodney smiled down on me. I blushed, but it was OK. It's good for you to blush now and then. I took Rodney's hand, and we ran off to the library, which had to be Lina's favorite place to be. It was a lot like her, quiet and contained. Lina needed to let stuff out more often. Anyway, Lina sat in the corner, as always, reading some text book and writing a report.  
  
"Lina!" I called to her as we hurried over.  
  
I'm sure Lina would've hushed me if she hadn't been so shocked to see me with Rodney. She stared at him, then at me. She was angry, I could tell, though she wasn't showing it.  
  
"Clarissa, what are you doing?" Lina asked, looking at Rodney.  
  
"It's all OK," I insisted. "You can get back with Tom. Rodney and I have worked everything out."  
  
"But, Clar," Lina blurted, then went on more guarded, "what about yesterday?"  
  
"It was all a mistake," I informed. "Didn't I tell you it didn't really happen. It turns out that Rodney was just learning to dance from Helga so he could take me to the Valentines dance."   
  
Lina sat back in her chair as if she was letting it sink in.   
  
"Now you can get back with Tom," I told her. "Rodney will go find him."   
  
Before Rodney started to leave, Lina said, "No, don't bother."  
  
"What?" I exclaimed. "But it was a mistake. It's all OK now."  
  
Lina shook her head and started reading again.  
  
"Lina," I began again desperately, "don't you get it? Rodney and I are back together. It's all OK. What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Congratulations, I hope you have fun at the dance," she muttered.  
  
"But, Li-"  
  
Rodney took my arm to stop me. He put a finger to his lips, then led me out of the library.   
  
"I don't get it!" I shouted once we were down the hall a ways. "Why doesn't she get back together with Tom?"  
  
"I think maybe she's a little wary," Rodney told me.  
  
"What's being tired have to do with it?" I demanded.  
  
"Not weary, wary," Rodney laughed. "She's cautious."  
  
I just shook my head. What on earth was he talking about? Cautious of what?  
  
"Lina's been hurt," Rodney told me.  
  
"Duh, who hasn't?" I exclaimed. "All of us have been hurt by this thing."  
  
"I guess Lina just doesn't heal as fast as some," Rodney shrugged.  
  
"What about Tom?" I asked. "How's he dealing with all this?"  
  
Rodney shrugged again. "We could ask him. I'm sure he's playing Wizard's chess in the Great Hall."  
  
"Let's go," I insisted, grabbing Rodney's hand and yanking him off.  
  
We came upon Tom where Rodney said he'd be. He was playing against a red-headed Slytherin.   
  
"Tom, you need to talk to Lina," I said instantly.  
  
"She doesn't want me anywhere near her," Tom said calmly as he stared at the chess board. "Hey, Rod. How's it going?"  
  
"Can't complain," Rodney replied. "I have my girlfriend back which is keeping me on my toes."  
  
"I can imagine," Tom smiled wryly without looking up.  
  
"Who's winning?" Rodney asked.  
  
"I am," the red-head announced, raising his eyebrows at me.  
  
"Not for long," Tom muttered. "Knight to B3."  
  
"Good move," Rodney complimented.  
  
I couldn't stand this anymore.  
  
"Shut up!" I shouted. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"  
  
"Got a fiery one, don't you?" the red-head laughed.  
  
"What is wrong with you people?" I exclaimed. "Tom, get your bloody behind up and talk to Lina."  
  
"I told you, she doesn't want me near her," Tom insisted, looking at me for the first time.   
  
"That's when she thought you were helping Rodney cheat on me," I explained. "You have to talk to her. She's miserable with out you."  
  
Tom lowered his eyes.  
  
"Rodney, tell him what you said," I ordered.  
  
"About her being cautious?" Rodney asked. "I think she needs time."  
  
"No. No, she doesn't," I blurted. "Lina needs Tom. She lives for him, and she needs to know that he lives for her."  
  
"How am I supposed to show her that she means everything to me, if she doesn't want me near her?" Tom queried.  
  
"You guys are idiots!" I shouted. I felt like screaming and pulling my own hair out. "Show her anyway."  
  
All three guys stared at me, then looked at each other.   
  
A/N: What do you think of Clarissa's point of view? I'm trying to decided whether the last chapter should be Clarissa again or go back to Lina. What do you think? 


	18. The Way It Should Be

Disclaimer: Tom Riddle doesn't belong to me.  
  
A/N: OK, I've decided that we're going back to Lina's POV, then I'll switch later. I'll tell you when I switch.   
  
A/N: Btw, before I forget...I'd like to thank my faithful readers...Wickedlee, you're pretty much the only one who stayed with me. It meant a lot to me that I always had a review from you.  
  
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY  
  
Chapter Eighteen: The Way It Should Be  
  
I am truly happy for Clarissa and Rodney. They make a wonderful couple. But I had to admit, I was shocked to see them walking in to the library together. After all, in my mind he was a scum bag. But everything's all good now. Well, at least Rodney and Clarissa are. You see, when I think about the conversation I had with Tom the day before, I get this terrible heartache. I know it was over a stupid misunderstanding, but I think two people should trust each other enough not to let a misunderstanding like that happen. So Tom had a good reason for lying, and he wasn't the jerk I thought he was. He still should have told me what was really going on. I wouldn't have told Clarissa if it was a surprise. He should have trusted me. But he didn't.   
  
I put down the book I was studying. I felt like crying. How could I ever trust Tom if he doesn't trust me?  
  
"Lina!"  
  
I glanced up to see Tom coming across the library. Quickly, I packed my books into my bag, but not fast enough. Tom was upon me before I could get away.  
  
"Lina, we have to talk," he said, grabbing my arm.  
  
"Let me go!" I said, pulling away. "I have things to do."  
  
"But, Lina-" Tom began.  
  
"I told you to leave me alone, and I meant it," I said over my shoulder as I sprinted out of the library.  
  
**I don't need another Heartbreak  
  
I don't need another turn to cry, no**  
  
-"This Kiss"  
  
I was reluctant to go to History of Magic the next day. After all, Tom would be there, and he would try to say something to me. I waited so I could be a little late. I didn't want to give Tom the chance to sit next to me. As I made my way to the farthest open seat from him, I could feel Tom's intense stare on the back of my head. I wanted to look at him so badly. I wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes and hear his kind voice telling me it's OK. But it wasn't OK and it would never be OK, again. Clarissa sat by me instead of with Rodney and Tom. It was a nice gesture, but I really just wanted to be alone.   
  
"Tom's trying, you know," Clarissa whispered to me.  
  
"I wish he would stop," I muttered.  
  
"Tom wants to get back together," Clarissa informed me. "Why don't you?"  
  
"I'm fine with the way things are now," I insisted. "Why fix something that's not broken?"  
  
"I can tell you aren't happy," she said.  
  
"Don't pretend to know me so well," I shot at her. "Why don't you go off and be happy with Rodney and leave me alone!"  
  
Clarissa was quiet for the rest of the class. I hated to admit that she was right, though. I was unhappy. Deep inside me, I still loved Tom and wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't spend my life with someone I didn't trust and who didn't trust me. What kind of life would that be?  
  
Throughout class, Clarissa kept turning around, probably mouthing things to Rodney and Tom. I kept myself from looking. I didn't want to accidently meet eyes with Tom. As I was sure would happen, at the end of class when I made my way to the door, Tom came down and grabbed my arm.   
  
"Lina, I'm sorry," he said quickly so I'd hear him before I could get away. "I can't live without you."  
  
"Tough!" I shouted, jerking away and running out the door.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
You'd think with my mind made up that it would never work and my constant badmouthing Tom, he should be easy to get over. But not days or weeks would allow it. Why did I still love him? Why did my heart still thump whenever I saw him? Why did my lips yearn to be on his? It didn't make sense. I hated him. He was horrible, a jerk. I never wanted to see him again. And yet, I couldn't live without him.   
  
**Ain't it funny how some feelings  
  
You just can't deny  
  
And you can't move on  
  
Even though you try  
  
Isn't it strange that you're feeling   
  
Things you should feel**  
  
-"Ain't It Funny"  
  
"Come with us," Clarissa pleaded.  
  
I shook my head, sitting on my bed dismally.  
  
"You won't feel like a third wheel, I promise," Clarissa told me. "Rodney will dance with you, and I'll dance with you."  
  
I couldn't help but let a little laugh out.  
  
"We can do one of those three person dances," Clarissa offered. "Rodney will be into it. Two gorgeous girls dancing with him?"   
  
"Clar," I began, "I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but I know as well as you do that Tom will be there."  
  
"You don't know that," Clarissa insisted. "After all, you have been avoiding him for quite some time. He could have become a monk, sworn never to dance again."  
  
I shook my head at her. "I know you're just trying to get me back with him. Why can't you understand that it's better this way?"  
  
Clarissa let out a breath and sat next to me. "You're my best friend, Lina. It hurts me seeing you hurt. This whole thing is my fault, and I want to fix it."  
  
"I know you do," I sighed discontentedly. "You look great, by the way."  
  
Clarissa blushed. She wore dark green dress robes which matched her eyes, and her hair was pinned up in a bun.   
  
"Lina, are you sure you won't go?" Clarissa asked.  
  
"Have fun," was all I said.  
  
Clarissa nodded and headed out of the dormitory. I lay my head on my pillow and thought. Tom had been chasing me around for a while. I wondered if I ought to just swallow my pride and foolishness and listen to him. Truly, there was nothing he could say to change my mind. What was I afraid of?   
  
I got up from my bed. Biting my lip, I pulled my deep blue dress robes from my trunk. They were the same shade as Tom's eyes. I missed him so. Quickly, I changed my clothes and used a crimp charm on my hair. With reluctance, I headed down to the Great Hall. I had to keep telling myself to breathe in and breathe out. I entered as sneakily as I could and made my way to the punch bowl. I kept hoping no one would notice I was there, but if I didn't want to see Tom, I wouldn't have gone.   
  
I scanned the crowded dance floor, looking for Clarissa and Rodney. I spotted Rodney's head floating above the crowd. I took half a step when I was shocked and angered to see he was not dancing with Clarissa, but with Helga. I was about to go over there and give him a piece of my mind, when he spotted me and left Helga to come toward me.  
  
"Lina, you came," Rodney said excitedly.   
  
"Yes," I said, trying to keep calm. "Where's my friend?"  
  
"Clar is..uh," he glanced at the dance floor, "with Tom, somewhere."  
  
"So you were dancing with Helga because..." I said, wanting an explanation.  
  
"Oh," Rodney began, "she didn't have anyone to dance with, and Clarissa was taken."  
  
I turned away from him to look for Clarissa.  
  
"You don't trust me, do you?" Rodney asked.  
  
"I don't know why you'd make such an assumption," I muttered.  
  
"Prove you trust me and dance with me," Rodney challenged.  
  
There was no way of getting out of that one. So I agreed and went with him onto the dance floor. As we danced, which he did quite well, I kept an eye out for Clarissa. Suddenly, I saw her and Tom dancing. They were talking casually, then Tom glanced my way. It was too late to flee. He had seen me. Tom said something to Clar, and she looked too. I felt like turning invisible. They were coming over.   
  
"Switch partners," Rodney said to Tom.  
  
"I'd be happy to," Tom said, keeping his eyes on me.  
  
Clarissa jumped into Rodney's arms. Tom quickly grabbed me before I could escape. I surrendered to the dance, but I didn't have to like it. I didn't even look at him.  
  
**It's the Hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
  
To look you in the eyes and tell you I don't love you  
  
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie  
  
To show no emotion when you start to cry**  
  
-"The Hardest Thing"   
  
"Why'd you come?" Tom whispered.  
  
"To meet guys," I said spitefully.  
  
Tom didn't seem upset by it.  
  
"I love you, you know," Tom told me.  
  
"I'm sorry," I muttered.  
  
"Lina, why won't you listen to me?" Tom asked.  
  
"I am listening," I insisted.  
  
"You hear me, I'm sure," Tom said, "but are you really listening?"  
  
"Yes, I'm listening," I shot at him. "But nothing you can say will change anything."  
  
Tom took a hand away from my waist and placed it on my cheek. He looked into my eyes, forcing me to look into his. Good tactic. I almost melted. Almost! Quickly, I hardened my resolve and forced myself to look upon his as mere dirt.  
  
"You have my attention," I told him, "so what is it you want to say to me?"  
  
"I love you," Tom whispered.  
  
"Yes, you said that," I said, pretending to be annoyed when I was really near tears.  
  
"I'm sorry I was such a jerk about the Helga thing," Tom apologized. "I should have told you the truth. It's just that when I tried to tell you, all you wanted to do was yell at me. I didn't think you would have listened if I hadn't been harsh."  
  
I lowered my eyes. He was right. I was so intent on being mad at him, I would scarcely let him speak. Really, I should have trusted him when he said it was nothing. This thing was my fault, too. I was so confused. I didn't know what to think anymore.   
  
"Lina, I'm sorry," Tom whispered, his voice shaking. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and I didn't mean to hurt Clarissa. I would do anything to make this right again. You're the only person I've ever loved, and I will love you until the end of time, even if you hate me."  
  
I couldn't breathe and my eyes stung with tears. Tom looked at me intensely, his blue eyes glistening. All I wanted to do was hold him close. I wanted to say that I didn't hate him, and I wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't speak.  
  
"I'll do anything for you," Tom said, his hand brushing the hair away from my face. "So I'll respect that you want me to leave you alone. I just had to tell you everything that was in my heart first. Thank you for giving me such joy and pain."  
  
With that, Tom pulled away from me and started toward the door. I remained in the middle of the dance floor, my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. I couldn't breathe!   
  
**I need you like water,   
  
Like breathe, like rain  
  
I need you like mercy from heaven's gate  
  
There's a freedom in your arms  
  
That carries me through  
  
I need you**  
  
-"I Need You"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ (Tom's Point of View)  
  
Well, that was it. The end of the best thing I've ever known. It was too much to hope that she still loved me. She was everything to me. She IS everything to me. It will be hard to see her every day and know she's not mine, but I will do it. I will go through that pain for her sake. Through all the pain, I will never regret what we had. I would never have known love without her.  
  
I guess it's no secret that boys don't like to cry. I avoid it whenever I can. But this time, I couldn't help it, neither did I want to. I was in pain, and I wasn't ashamed to show it. All I wanted to do was escape the people and the music, return to my common room, and sit a while. If I thought of Lina and shed some tears, so be it.   
  
For just a second as I headed down the dungeon stairs, I heard my name called behind me. It was her voice. When I realized this, I was sure that I had imagined it. My heart and mind were playing tricks on me. It wasn't what I needed at that moment. But then I heard it again, louder and closer.  
  
"Tom! Wait!"  
  
I turned and looked upon her, those soft auburn waves shining almost red in the candle light. She stood above me like an angel in blue dress robes. Her deep chocolate eyes sparkled with tears. I waited on the stairs to hear what she had to say.  
  
"Tom, I," she looked away, trying to stop those beautiful tears from falling. "I love you."  
  
I was shocked for a second. I was sure I had lost her and now she tells me that she loves me. My mind went blank. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. Lina smiled back, her breathing shaking. I stepped up to where she stood, my sight locked on her shining brown eyes. Grazing my fingers against her soft cheek, I leaned down and kissed her. We pulled apart only to embrace in a hug.  
  
"Let's never fight again," I suggested, holding her close.  
  
"Like that will happen," she said sarcastically, then laughed.  
  
I laughed too.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~(Clarissa's Point of View)  
  
I worried that they had been gone so long. But it was a good sign that Lina had run after him instead of the other way around. I think I could pretty much picture what was going on out there. Major making-out!   
  
"Everything's all right, you know," Rodney assured me as we danced.  
  
"I know," I told him, smiling.  
  
"You've been dancing all night," Rodney observed. "Aren't you tired?"  
  
"Nope," I giggled, tightening my grip around his waist. By the way, I had to have my hands around his waist because he was too tall for me to reach his shoulders.   
  
Rodney just laughed at me, then said, "Look!"  
  
I glanced at the door and saw Tom and Lina walk in with their arms around each other. They were smiling. I felt this warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. Everything was how it should be. Tom and Lina held each other and began to dance. She looked my way and smiled as if to say thank you. I smiled back as if to say you're welcome. She looked at Tom and they kissed. It was so cute.  
  
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" I asked Rodney, looking up at him.  
  
"Yup," he said, smiling wryly.  
  
"Everything's just the way it should be, isn't it?" I sighed romantically as I continued to watch Lina and Tom.  
  
"Not quite," Rodney said.  
  
I looked at him in confusion. What else could there be? Then I saw that look in his eyes, and I knew. Rodney leaned toward me very slowly. I closed my eyes and stood on my toes to meet his lips. He was right. Now, it was the way it should be.  
  
The End  
  
A/N: Wow! Finally finished. And it only took, what, seventeen months. But it's over. I'll miss aspects of it, but I've been writing on this so long that I am sick of it and glad it's over. Anyway, I hope you liked it, though. 


End file.
